paradoxical thoughts

2008-08-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

end.

I'm officially ending the life of this blog. No, I'm not tired of it neither am I using the new one to mark some event in my life. This is just something I've wanted to do for awhile.

So for those of you who are interested, http://www.urbanmusings.wordpress.com is the new one.. I will attempt to blog more often... See you there!

2008-08-23T07:16:00.000-07:00

wishing you were here.

It's been a month since you've gone back to Perth. And by the time you're back to Singapore in December, we would have survived half the journey... Looking at it from this perspective does make it sound alot faster and easier to bear.

But people who have been in my life 5 months ago would know that this journey has been far from easy. At the point when I thought things were going well, they weren't. My world came crashing down the day that email came. The next 3 months were the hardest to bear and I almost gave up hope. But God had a bigger plan for all that.. My trip to Perth was His bigger plan.

Looking at you through the eyes of my webcam feels really surreal. Thank God, though, for Skype... It has been my best link to you these past few months. I miss having you around. I miss the nightly coffees we share... I miss your hugs and above everything else, I miss you so much.

It hasn't been easy but God has been good. The situation at work has taken a turn for the better and though I'm more tired these days than ever, I know I made the right decision. B, thank you for being ever so patient and understanding. The distance sometimes frustrate me because I want to see you so bad... But its simply not possible... Flipping through the pages of our Perth photo scrap book last night made me cry. For a very simple reason; I missed you...

The pressures of handling things at work sometimes wear me down and I feel as though I'm constantly barraging through a brick wall. The obstacles seem impossible to clear and I sometimes see no end in the problems I face. But God always provide some sort of relief in His amazing way. I thank God for the wonderful colleagues I have and superiors who are supportive.. The girls may be tough to handle but I need to trust Him for a solution.

B, I wish you're here... What wouldn't I trade just to have you hold me in your arms now, even for 5 mins... I feel so alone at times and I'm sometimes tired of being independent and having to handle things on my own. Yet, I'm well aware of the little things I should be thankful for.. That though we're so far away from each other, our relationship has survived the trials thrown our way... Thank you for making efforts to cheer me up or even praying for me.. We will walk this path together...

I love you, B...

2008-07-26T03:10:00.000-07:00

loving.

This entry is for you....

It's been a really wonderful 2 weeks... To have you back home and to be able to hang out at our usual places.. In 2 days, all that will change again and you'll be back in Perth, 5 hours away from me...

I had a wonderful time these few weeks, and the 3 weeks we had in June... Baby, it's been tough but we made it... And tonight, the things you said to me really showed me how much you love me... It hasn't been easy on you either but God had a purpose for everything that has happened and He's got a great plan for us...

Hang in there... We're in this together.. And before we know it, you'll be back for Christmas.. 4 months... We'll walk this path together, hand in hand...

I love you, baby...

2008-07-15T00:30:00.000-07:00

back home.

2 weeks. 14 days. Very precious 2 weeks we have together before he flies back to Perth. The last 6 months has been a roller coaster experience of sorts. Things literally went up and down. I'm glad that they're back up again.

Walking to the departure gate at the Perth airport was tough. Having to turn around and see him wave good bye to me was tough. Very tough. I had to watch him walk through the departure gates at Changi 4 months ago and that itself was something I never wanted to go through again. But in 12 days, I'll have to go through that once again.

This is for those people who have been telling me, 2 years? Very fast one, it'll be over before you know it. If I could be allowed to be rude for just this moment, I'll tell you to shove it. Shut up, you. Yes, you. The person who, with good intentions, try to make me feel better by saying such things.
You, who has never had to go through being apart from a loved one for periods of time. You, who said, "Wah, 3 weeks in Perth ah? So long! What are you going to do there?"

Yes I am well aware that 2 years will pass quickly. But having to live day by day waiting and looking forward to the end of that 2 years is extremely painful. Every moment you have together is so precious. Yes, 3 weeks was a long time to be away. But every single moment spent with him was so special.

Thank you baby, for making the 3 weeks so enjoyable. I'm glad I made the trip eventually. And now that you're back for 2 weeks, I'm really happy. Perhaps happy beyond description is most apt. I probably sound damn sappy to some but I don't really care. He's back, even though only for 2 weeks... Good enough for me..

So, the next time anyone is thinking of saying that its a short time and will pass quickly, don't. Because you just don't get it. So just shut up. Because I'm sick and tired of hearing it. If you're a true friend, you'll understand.

2008-07-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

kids.

A father told me this today : "It's been said, parents spend the first 2 years of their child's life teaching them to talk and the next 18 years telling them to shut up."

That tickled me to no end today because his little boy was happily blabbering away and daddy was obviously exasperated. I've had friends who tell me, "I can't get him/her to stop talking!!" It's funny how kids turn normal, intelligent adults into flustered and agitated parents. Parents who in the day, are in control at work but at night, spend many sleepless nights trying to figure their kids out.

Having been in this industry for the past 6 years with these little ones, it has given me many memorable and happy times, and many exasperating moments. But it is always gratifying to see a child who yells the house down on his first day of school, walk in to the centre a week later with a big smile on his face and happily waving bye to mummy. To see a child who for the life of him just cannot seem to add 1 and 1, be able to now add 1 and 2.. I'm not a parent but I certainly appreciate the moments in my teaching career where I've seen my 'kids' grow up.

This aspect of my career ended when I took on this job. I'm still surrounded by kids but now, I don't have the priviledge of taking them myself. I miss that... I miss having hugs and kisses from them in the morning. I miss receiving drawings and little notes. I miss the kid who used to bring me a flower from his garden every morning. I miss the feeling of having a child prefer me to carry her over another teacher.

I miss all that... These days, I still get hugs and kisses, but it feels different now... I constantly worry about daily operations and profit line. I'm constantly bitched about behind my back and in my face. I get accused of being incompetent and not being able to fight for people's rights.

I left my comfort zone for a battle field. But I'm glad and thankful for the support management constantly provides. Ironically, I love my job. I just really miss those times...

2008-07-04T22:13:00.000-07:00

musing.

I'm beginning to feel that blogging is not a form of release after all. I want to say certain things but yet, I can't do it because of certain limitations. I feel as though my blog is stifling me... Maybe I should start a new blog.. Where no one I know reads it and I can just say what I want....

Am I that difficult to understand and read? I just want to be understood... Why do I always have to spell everything out? I feel as though I'm begging to be heard and loved...

It's been a really long week... I just want some respite... Is that alot to ask of?

2008-07-03T01:20:00.000-07:00

random-ness.

It's 1am on a work day and I am blogging when I should be sleeping, while my dearest is on skype with me.. He's not really talking much sense right now.. That's because he is gaming while talking to me.. The nerve of him! But then, I'm not any better.. To amuse myself, I decided to blog. Because I realised that it's been awhile since I last blogged.

Much has happened in the last month and while I'm inclined to blog an entire month's worth of news... I shall not, because. Yes, that's just me. Random and the ultimate bitch, sometimes. Just a quick update though, things at work are picking up and perhaps its the 3 weeks break that I had, I'm feeling rejuvenated and more energised. That's a good thing, by the way... Things with niceguy are going well.. And in 10 days, he'll be back in sg.. 2 weeks.. Really short, but hey, I'm not about to complain. I know its gona whizz by but like he said, each trip back will mean we're nearing the day when he finally comes back for good.

And hell yeah, I'm looking forward to that. On a separate note, I've been thinking about stuff. Not necessarily important stuff, but just stuff. One of them would be people. It never ceases to amaze me to meet people who make it their life's mission to be the thorn in someone's behind. Some people try real hard, while others have this fascinating natural ability. The other kind would be those who blatantly accuse others of something they themselves have done. That, is bloody lying in your face!

But yet, if you think about it, if such people never existed.. Then I would have nothing to blog about.. And this entry would be filled with boring stuff like how beautiful the world is and how wonderful people are... Both of which are lies, by the way. The world isn't beautiful anymore and people are born sinners. Hah, theology 101 at you.

Ok, I do have to catch some shut eye because I start malfunctioning at work tomorrow. I have my battles to fight and I'm going to make myself a really strong cuppa coffee tomorrow morning.

Good night folks!

2008-06-14T17:45:00.000-07:00

anew.

For those of you who know what on earth I'm talking about, yes... I'm in kangy land, I'm freezing cold (sometimes) and I'm happy. That should sufficiently explain what's happening. *smiles*

Alot of birthdays this month. Tomorrow's Jess' birthday. Happy birthday, dear friend!! *hugs* Who would have thought that we would end up as such good friends? :) May God continue to shower blessings upon you and the family, and the little one! I truly pray that this little one will be a blessing to all.. And yes, I hope its a girl!! Can I be her god-ma?? hehe.. Anyway, have a really blessed birthday and stay strong!

Another birthday greeting is due to Uncle. Yes you, Uncle. Happy Birthday to you too!! I hope you had a good time in erm.. Bangkok? :P Thank you for being such a darling all these years. It's really amazing how our friendship has worked out and how you're always there to listen when I need someone to. I'm really excited about your big day next year.. :) Stay wonderful k? And you'll always be my dearest Uncle.. hahaha..

Yet another birthday greeting is due to my baby brother. I can't believe my baby brother is actually now serving his duty to the nation. I can still remember the impish face of his when he was like 2?? He's hardly cute and adorable now, but still my little brother, nonetheless.. So my dear brother, happy 19th birthday and may God continue to watch over you and that you continue to grow in Him.

The last but most important birthday greeting is to you... Happy birthday b.. It's been a trying few months but God has been so good. My birthday blessing for you is that you will continue to look to Him for guidance and that God will keep watch over you while you finish up the next 1 1/2 years. The last 2 weeks has been wonderful and I'm glad we had the time to know each other all over again.. Happy birthday and I love you..

Well.. That's about all for now from the land of the kangys.. I will update each of you personally... :) Have a great weekend!

2008-05-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

packed.

I'm packed and ready to leave!! Yeap.. Really looking forward to tomorrow.. Tomorrow, this time, I would be in Perth.. Woots! Well.. I have one last meeting to conduct tomorrow before I can go off so yeaps.. Bummer.. But its ok.. I will look beyond that..

Both my bags are so full, they're just about bursting at the seams.. But I've done my best to bring only what I need.. So I've done good this time round.. :P

see you soon.. *smiles*

2008-05-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

quake.

Was just watching Ch8's charity show for the quake victims. Though I didn't watch the whole thing, what I managed to catch was enough to reduce me to tears. The China quake has been the topic on everyone's lips these days, even more so than the Myanmar cyclone. Not because no one cares about Myanmar.. But my guess its because people and nations alike are getting increasingly fed-up with their military's resistance.

But that's not my point here.. Point is, cyclone, quakes, typhoons or tsunamis, no one caught in such disasters deserves to die... Reports after reports, pictures after pictures depict the devastation in the disaster zones.. How can anyone not be affected by all these?

The look on Lao Shi's face the past week, really affected me. She explained, even though she's not from those provinces, that is still her homeland. How can she stand aside and be unmoved?

What more could I say? I could understand that.. Perhaps there isn't a point in today's entry.. Just merely expression my emotions right now..

2008-05-24T23:35:00.000-07:00

endurance.

It's been a long semester and I really am looking forward to Friday. Not just because I'm finally going to see you, after 4 months.. But also because I seriously need a break, away from this battle. Yes, the environment has eased up some and I'm beginning to see cooperation and teamwork. But I'm still treading on thin ice everyday. It's getting tiresome and to be brutally honest, my patience is wearing really thin.

God has been teaching me bit by bit that patience comes with trials and testings. I accept that but I sometimes wish for a respite.. I sometimes feel as though I'm hitting a brick wall, as far as she is concerned. Every initiative and directive I come up with or give, is instantly met with criticisms first. Compliance sometimes comes, rather grudgingly, I must add. The cherry on the top of the damn cake came when she went as far as to 'threaten' me.

If there's anything I absolutely hate, is to be threatened. In her case, she went way too far. But, I don't wish to make a decision right now. I need to get away and revaluate the situation and weigh out my pros and cons before I decide. So yes... I am really really looking forward to getting away.. And the best part is, I get to spend it with you *smiles*

I owe it to the Big Guy Up There for having been my Comforter and Provider. He has shown me that in Him, all things are possible, if only I would trust Him to. I don't have to walk this path alone.. He's by my side each step of the way, guiding me.. And He will continue to do so until I meet Him again.

"Father, thank you for the encounter with you. For having forced me into that corner where I had to finally, after much struggle, turn back to You. I haven't forgotten my promise.. And You have been faithful. Thank you."

2008-05-19T15:31:00.000-07:00

mermaid.

Was at ECP today for some church family event and I dropped my hp chain. I only realised it much later, after playing like 3 games.. Which meant to say, it could have dropped ANYWHERE on the field.. And the field was pretty big, and of course.. Heck lot of grass..

When I realised it was missing, I panicked and quickly combed the field.. Couldn't find it.. Roped in the brother and walked a 2nd time. Still can't find.. I was beginning to get a little upset.. So I smsed niceguy.. Had to give up the search because the next game was starting. But my heart wasn't in the game.. I kept praying..

In total, the brother and I combed the field at least 5 times.. While on the line, niceguy said, "Don't worry, search again. I'm sure you can find it." And I did.. Or rather, the brother did.. I was mumbling about it having a pink stone on it, so might be easier to spot that. I was giving up hope and everyone was going for lunch.. Told myself, one last search.. Split up walking with the brother.. I was praying and searching and suddenly, "JIE!!! FOUND IT!!"

*smile*

2008-05-14T22:20:00.000-07:00

trapped.

I can only do so much with my capabilities.
I can only say that much to please everyone.
I can only go that far to mediate.
But no matter how far I go, its never enough.

I have tried to adapt to each of you.
I have done what I thought was best.
I have listened and changed.
But yet, it's still not enough.

My capabilities are limited.
My patience and tolerance are limited.
My pride and ego can only take that much.
This time round, I've had enough.

Saying I'm tired is an understatement. I feel as though I'm fighting a losing battle everyday. I go into the battlefield already knowing who my enemies are. But each day of battle yields different results. Some days, they win. Other days, I win. Everyday is a new challenge and the enemies change hands.

Why does it have to be this way? Why can't we just be friends and stop picking on every damn thing? I've had enough of people being snide and jack-assing IN MY FACE. Because of where I'm positioned, I'm inevitably drawn into the crossfire. I'm putting out fires almost everyday.

I need a break. I need to get away from all this negative aura and find a zen spot where I can refocus. I think we all need that. This term has been a long drawn one and I am so looking forward to the end of it.

Please God, I need the strength to survive each day and I need to wisdom to handle every situation that drops on my lap.. Please Lord, just let me survive the next 2 1/2 weeks...

15 days and counting.

2008-05-11T03:00:00.000-07:00

hope.

The silver lining on the cloud seems to be shining a little brighter... The past 3 days have been really wonderful.. Thank you... I'll see you in 3 weeks..

i love you.

2008-05-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

same.

I wonder when I will wake up and find that things have changed.. For the better. How long can I keep this up? I don't even know why I'm blogging tonight. My mind is actually a blank because my heart is working over time. I knew it wouldn't be easy and sometimes I wonder what gave me the determination to choose this path.

But through it all, I know I will find my silver lining one day... Maybe it's already there, shining ever so slightly in a cloudy sky.. Maybe its just waiting for the winds to blow the darks cloud away and bring back the sun so I can see the lining clearer. Maybe. Maybe not.

I know I'm not making sense. I'm sorry..

2008-05-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

finally.

Yes... F-i-n-a-l-l-y.... I am free from assignments... For the next 2 months, at least... Well, better than nothing.. I am so relieved now...

My s5 is calling me.. I started snapping pictures of the kids today.. Good practise. I like taking shots of children, somehow they are more natural and their expressions are candid.. Well, I'm gona spend the next 2 months playing with my new toy!

I want to go to Redang... I want to get a tan... But what I want now is to sleep.. I'm super tired.. But I keep seeing white dots.. Haha! Sorry, inside joke (only Aud knows what I'm talking about). Eh babe, I think the food had MSG smeared all over.. I'm super thirsty now..

Went to Ikea today. AGAIN. These days, only 3 places I shop at: Ikea, ABC Bargain and Popular. I have no life man. I'm becoming a HDB tai-tai/auntie soon. I either need more hours in a day or more days in a week.. Work takes up a big chunk of my time already.. But the good thing is, I like my job (well, most of the time :P) so that's still alright.. Now that lectures have ended for the semester, I still don't have many nights free.. Argh.

And... I'm rambling again.. Don't mind me...

2008-05-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

new.

Yes yes yes!! I have gotten my Canon S5!! Woohoo!!! Its waaay cool and I can't wait to start snapping with it!! When Uncle Ed showed me all the cool functions it has today, I was so so so tempted to drive out somewhere to start taking photos! But... I gota wait.. Till after Wednesday, after I've submitted that blasted 4000 word essay.. Sigh.. Such a damper...

But nothing's gona mar the fact that it was a good buy! Paid slightly over 600 for it and it came with a kit bag and a 4G card! Not a bad deal eh? Ya ya.. Some people are gona go, its just a cam.. so?? Well, it is a cam but this is just a start.. For once, I'm going to pursue an interest and I'm not going to let people dampen that enthusiasm. I have a shi fu!! *bows to Uncle Ed* hehe..

Sunday will be the inaugural event for my s5.. First event it's gona go to and I have from Thursday till then to get used to the functions... Kinda stressed because the event photos are going to be in the next issue of our newsletter and because of my big mouth (complaining that the photos that the others have been taking are not nice), I have been tasked to take the pictures for our next event. Like J say, since newsletter editor complain photos not nice, then ask editor to take lor.. Thanks man.. Next time, I'll keep quiet... And quietly photoshop the photos.. bleah..

Anyway, had a fab afternoon with the auntie and the uncle (no, they're not an item!).. Thanks Uncle Ed, always nice to have sound technical advice! Hope you enjoy the gadgets/accessories that I passed you.. And Ms Sharon, *hugs*!!! It's always nice meeting up with you! Even though we were like 2 aunties trawling the whole of BPP.. Haha!! And NTUC! Oh man...

2 days to submission date... Stress level is super mounting.. And the weather is simply disgustingly hot hot hot!!

Overall, its been a good week so far.. Dare I hope for anything? I'm not so sure... But I'll take things as they come... Thank you.. It has been really nice these last few days.. I mean that.. *hugs*

2008-05-04T09:45:00.000-07:00

ask.

Ask and it shall be given... Hmm... Looking at that statement in its literal form does sound good, doesn't it? Not quite. It comes with a tag.. Which also means, read the fine print. Statements or verses like these always cause people to pursue the wrong things because we interpret them the way WE want them to sound.. But it can't be more wrong..
I know I'm rambling and not many of you will know what I'm talking about but for those of you who do, please keep praying...

Anyway, haven't done this in a while... Was watching the news and they reported that the LTA is THINKING of making seat belts on all buses compulsory. What do they mean by thinking?? Is there still a need to deliberate if that move should be compulsory??? A kid has died because he had no seat belt on and the LTA is THINKING???

Typical of these people. Think, deliberate, write damn proposal, red tape, 3 working days... Seat belts on school buses should have been made compulsory eons ago! Do they not realise how dangerous it can be when children are not belted down?? Why did it have to take a death to get them THINKING?

Having said that, some parents are equally irresponsible. I've lost count on the number of times I've seen kids standing or climbing all over the car while parent is driving. Sometimes, the only adult in the car is the driver and you've got 2 kids jumping up and down in the car. Each time I see that, alarm bells go off. I shudder to think of the possible tragedy that might follow. Under NO circumstances should children be allowed to be in a moving car unbelted!!

Just because daddy is rich enough to buy an SUV with heck lot of leg/standing/jumping room, doesn't mean these kids should be left unattended. Call me paranoid but any life, especially a kid's life, is precious. Why leave things to chance? Any parent who believes otherwise, is NOT fit to be a parent.

Well, that's just my opinion and you are welcome to disagree. I don't really care.

To end, I've got 3 days to type out a 4000 word essay that accounts for 50% of my final grades for this module. Stressed? Heck, yeah...

2008-05-01T19:00:00.000-07:00

answered.

I prayed and He answered. In a way no one but me could have understood and appreciated. Thank you, God... :)

you made my day today... thank you too...

2008-04-27T15:30:00.000-07:00

critical thinking.

I gave up one to concentrate on the other.. And now I'm contemplating if I should take on 1 or 2 next sem. Its a tough decision that will affect my timeline but I'm still weighing the consequences..

Work has been steadily increasing and with it, the pressure to perform. But I'm thankful for a positive work environment, with colleagues who are mostly very supportive and helpful. I wish I could say the same for my team though.. Sigh...

Right now, I'm struggling to complete an essay that was due waaaaay back. And my tutor has so kindly extended the deadline, yet again, for me.. And he's doing all he can to help me pass this module. Once I'm done with this, I have one final essay to clear for this module.. This is the killer.. Because it carries 50% of the marks.. On the upside, this module has NO exams! So... I just need to hang in there for 2 more weeks and I'm free! Well, at least for 2 months after that..

2 more weeks before I start thinking about that... I'm still looking for a purpose.. Maybe that IS the answer.. No.

2008-04-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

decision.

I have the next month to decide. I really don't know what I should do. My mind and heart are saying 2 different things... And God's keeping quiet for now..

Purpose? I don't know.. Still looking for one.. As time goes by.. Things do seem to get clearer...

p/s: -uoyevoli-

2008-04-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

human.

Yes.. I am human, afterall.. I have my moments as well as my needs. I too need that pillar of strength and partner to walk with me on life's oh-so-long-and-arduous journey. No, I'm not talking about God here.. I am full aware of the amazing things the Big Man upstairs can do..

Today, however, I'm talking about another human. Who is also capable of emotions and weaknesses. Someone who despite the sometimes treacherous waters we have to tread through, will be there, to hold my hand and stay afloat. A person who inspite of the world's standards of beauty, success and abilities, can love me who I really am. I'm not looking for a perfect being. There is NO perfect being other than the Creator.

I'm looking for someone who doesn't strive to be perfect. Who doesn't want what he can't have. Someone who can be himself. And someone who loves Him. Thats all..

Strong as I can be.. I am human after all.. This walk is getting very lonely.. It's chipping away at my determination and confidence bit by bit..

Right now, I'm looking for that silver lining on this very dark cloud..

2008-04-21T21:45:00.000-07:00

thanksgiving.

I'm truly thankful. I'm also learning alot this year. So much has happened in just less than 4 months and I'm pretty darn sure, its not going t stop.

So what am I thankful for today? I had a really nice time chatting with mum over dinner tonight. Dad's not in town these 2 weeks so I'm keeping her company.. Not that I'm complaining though.. Found out alot of things about mum and dad tonight.. Hehehe.. But it was a good time of sharing.. Learnt that mum faced the struggles I'm facing now and in some ways, still is..

It does bring things into a whole new perspective when you find out the people closest to you are also going through similiar struggles, esp. your parents. Not that I don't see my parents as humans, capable of pain and suffering too. You just don't normally see that side of them because they don't tell you.. But when mum shared all those things tonight, it really brought us closer and I felt less alone.. She really does understand...

I love my mum *smile*

2008-04-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

sick.

I'm sick, from what, I'm not so sure.. Was fine right up to Friday night. Then at about 10 pm, started having really bad runs and throwing up.. And at about 2 am, developed a fever. I'm thinking if I caught a viral fever bug...

Been feeling sick since then, no appetite and haven't been able to get out of bed much... Until now.. Feeling much better but still sick...

Body aches, migraine, queasy, no appetite... Not a very good combi..

2008-04-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

tired tired tired.

Yeah.. I'm super tired.. But I'm not complaining.. Not in a bad week.. After a chaotic week at work, things have gotten better and yes! We are getting along much much better.. And I'm even more determined to make this work out this time.. I got alot to learn about patience but yeah, I'll get there..

This week was no less short of drama.. Had a hysterical mum create a dramatic moment because of her girl's undies. Yes, you read right. But... I will not be providing details here.. Ask me yourself if you're absolutely dying to hear what happened. I guarantee your jaw will drop after you hear my account.

Nevertheless, I'm getting into the hang of things at work and man, is there a heck lot of work to be done.. But I will remain positive and commit everyday to the One who calls the shots..

I'm going to call it a night because I spent the entire morning of my day off (yes, today) at the zoo with the GK kids.. I had so much fun with them and I'm going to try and load the pictures onto FB asap.. When the darn server decides to stop playing punk.. And yeah, the photos from the hospital visit too.. I know Aud's dying to see the retarded pics of herself.. he he he..

Maybe the reason why I had fun was because I was just there to help look after the kids. Didn't have to plan, no need to buy tickets.. Just have fun.. And I did! And now, I'm ready to collapse onto my bed..

2008-04-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

migraine.

I don't remember ever having a migraine like today's. It started with a slight headache this morning and by mid afternoon, my head was pounding so bad, I couldn't stand straight. Can't figure out what caused it to build up to this extent. Came home, popped 2 tablets, went to bed... Couldn't sleep cos it was really warm.. Woke up 1 1/2 hours later with the same headache.. Just took another round of tablets, this time the ones prescribed by the doc (think it includes muscle relaxants). Hope it works..

2008-04-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

answered.

I prayed and He answered. He must have known how down I was last night and how much I needed a listening ear. Thank you, God. And to you.. It probably didn't mean anything to you but it meant quite abit to me. So thank you..

2008-04-07T21:30:00.000-07:00

oh damn... i spoke too soon... been in and out of the toilet since I got back... not good.. i really hope it isn't stomach flu... cannot afford not to go to work this week...

2008-04-07T19:20:00.000-07:00

stomach flu.

No, its not me, thank God... But we had a few cases of it at the centre today.. 7 to be exact, last count.. Only half the morning kids turned up this morning, that set alarm bells ringing in my head. Had the teachers call the parents to ask and found out that most had stomach flu, others had viral fever.

That sent us all into a phone calling frenzy. But the teachers were very efficient. In less than an hour, all the parents were informed. And after we dismissed the first session, they started disinfecting every damn thing they could lay their hands on. I'm really thankful for the teamwork of the teachers.. Everyone did their part and I sent them all home at 2.30pm. I spent the entire morning 'fighting fires'. Thankfully, everyone was calm and parents took in pretty well and were very cooperative.

I spent the rest of the afternoon replying emails and getting scolded. Sigh... Sometimes I get so tired of this... I'm trying to handle the situation as best as I can but there's always fault to find somehow..

I'm absolutely drained.. Not so much physically but rather mentally.. I do feel very alone today... It's my own battle to fight now..

2008-04-05T00:30:00.000-07:00

unknown.

Busy Friday. Work was hectic, nothing went according to schedule. Had a meeting with the HR director and she gave me alot of things to think about.

Ah xiong the electrician was supposed to arrive at 3pm to install the exit sign on the new door but he arrived with his gang of 4 at 5.10pm. Tried not to look annoyed and thankfully they finished the job in half an hour. What I didn't get was, why do you need 4 men to put up an exit sign? One stuck his head through the hole in the ceiling panel, one was on the ladder holding on to the sign, another was looking with his mouth open and the last one was holding on to the vacuum cleaner. I was like???

I am super full now because char-les had the TT group over for dinner. He's one heck of a cook and a good host man! From drinks to appetiser to main and then dessert. Everything was good! After dessert, we watched half of The Phantom of the Opera, with 2 backup singers. (photos up on FB)

Sent ris home and took a slow drive home. The first half of my journey home sent me into emo mode. Now, I'm more tired than anything...

And I'm not making sense..

2008-04-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

crazy.

That would be talking about Aud. Okok, and me. Had dinner together last night and just. Last night was interesting cos we had xiao long bao and la mian at Crystal Jade HV. My la mian almost killed me cos madam here had to order the 'ma-la' one. It really 'ma-ed' my mouth man. After like 2 spoonfuls of soup, my tongue and lips went numb. It was a really weird feeling. And Aud was downing water like a camel because HER la mian was killing her too (and she only had a teeeeeny bit of chilli oil in hers).

But that was last night. Undaunted, we went back tonight and I ordered the SAME thing again. This time, I was smarter. I asked them to add more clear soup. And I finished most of it, un-numbed! The xiao long bao last night was so good that tonight, we ordered 2 portions and finished every bit of it. And we went for yoghurt after that.

I think it was the yoghurt that did it. Because it was very cold in the car, I turned off the air con and opened the sun roof. Aud had this insane idea to wave to EVERYONE she saw. But, when I stop next to any car, she stops. Idiot. I was laughing so hard that I had to drive really slow and Aud was trying to balance 2 cups of yoghurt while trying not to spill anything. It was so hilarious!

But thanks for the company babe. It was fun shopping today, especially since I spent much lesser today than yesterday. I've bought so many dresses in the last 3 days. But I think my dresses are nice! Now I have clothes to wear when I go for weddings! Hah!

Oh. I think I am really going to put back all the weight I've last. I ate all day yesterday and today. Tomorrow I'm going to starve. Oh darn. Tuesday Thing dinner at char-les place because his parents are not in town. We are going to raid his place man!

I shall try to take pictures tomorrow and upload them onto Facebook:)

good night!

2008-03-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

my way or His way?

It's a tough question to answer... But it shouldn't be... It should be pretty clear what path to take.. I didn't expect it to be so tough and full of challenges. I just had another challenge dropped on my lap, literally. I honestly feel very inadequate but if this door has been open, I guess nothing should stop me from going in right? After all, I need to take that step in, in order to find out.. I really hope I will be of use here.

A proposition was made tonight, and I have been thinking about it for the last one year. I'm excited at that prospect yet, a little iffy cos that would mean leaving yet another comfort zone.. Alot of changes in the last month, most of them good... Things do seem a little clearer now..

Strange how when we try to handle things on our own, we muck up and get all frustrated when it fails. But when we just leave it to the One, things just seem to fall into place, especially when we've lost all hope.

Well, challenge is taking that leap of faith to relinquish control and hand it over.. Tough... Very tough..

2008-03-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

saturday blues.

I think its got to do with working on a weekend. Even though the hours are the same, I feel doubly tired... I just got home from work... And I'm about to head out again for a coffee.. I need my coffee.. I'm grouchy as hell now because I didn't even have time to buy a drink.

Haven't been drinking water either and I felt super dehydrated today...

I'm getting fat again...

2008-03-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

optimism.

I've decided. I confirmed her. My reason? I want to remain optimistic that the situation will improve and that I can make that happen. It's a huge risk I'm taking but I wana give it a shot.

Submitted my assignment just now. One week late and way below the word count. I know I'm going to fail this paper but I guess its better than getting a zero.. I tried my best... Actually, no.. I didn't.. But thats done with.. 4 more to go... sigh...

Long day at work.. Phone didn't stop ringing. Parents calling in asking about the HFMD situation.. Thankfully, there's NO situation on our side.. Talked and talked and talked.. Super tired now.. But I gota go off soon... More talking to do.. Debate training... Maybe won't be so bad, cos I get to scold people if they screw up.. haha..

The weather's really making me sleepy.. I was half asleep driving back just now.. I'm still half asleep.. Need coffee!! I am looking forward to coming home.. Cos I can sleep.. hehe..

Ok, gota run! Have a great weekend folks!

*jess, stay strong k? Thank God everyday for your beautiful family! Call if you need anything *hugs*

2008-03-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

judgement call.

Tomorrow is THE day. The day I decide if she goes or stays. Had a long talk with the HR manager yesterday and she did help put alot of things into perspective.

I think I have decided and all I can do now is pray that God will show me the rest of the way. Managing people really isn't easy and it's been so stressful. 3 individuals, 3 decisions.

Work has been insane. We're now looking into opening on Sundays, ie to say, we are open 7 days a week. I'm facing manpower problems now and that's the biggest headache. Looking at my own work schedule, other than going to work Monday to Sunday, I don't see how else I can solve that, for now.

My migraine's coming back and I'm down to the last 2 pills. Maybe I really should have deferred this semester.. I can't cope. Too much backlog.

Was talking to Ry just now. Thanks for the comforting words. I'm glad we've kept the friendship all these years... Hope your wisdom tooth's better..

Hope you had a good week at school..

2008-03-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

decisions.

I have a very important decision to make by Friday. Been struggling with this for a while and right up to this moment, I'm still undecided.. I have to be fair to the company and the person.

I really wish I could talk to you about it.. You always are able to give me a fair opinion on things and that's what I really really need now.. Maybe one of the reasons why I'm so stressed is because I don't have you to talk it out to anymore..

Please pray that I will make the right decision based on fair judgement.. sigh...

2008-03-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

stressed.

I'm very very stressed. And I'm very very behind in my deadlines, both at work and school. I have so many things to do that my mind's constantly elsewhere, thinking of what I need to do next.

I need to focus..

Too many commitments.. I sometimes wish I can give up some of my commitments.. Sigh..

I need to sleep.. Properly.. I need to eat... At least one full meal a day.. I need to focus... On one thing at a time.. I need time.. ALOT of it..

2008-03-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

I feel sick. Migraine's back, worse than ever.

2008-03-23T23:00:00.000-07:00

zoning.

Despite having only 4-5 hours of sleep last night, I actually managed to wake up at 4.30 am this morning for Easter sunrise service at MacRitchie. But I have to confess, I was really fighting to stay awake during the service. I was yawing all throughout. I have to say though, the ambience was really nice.. We were seated on the slope facing the reservoir and I kept myself awake by watching the morning joggers/walkers and the people canoeing.

I didn't realise how early it was for them to be canoeing until my brother mumbled to me, "So early got people canoeing already." That was when I looked at my watch, 7 am. Man, these people sure are early risers. I really cannot envision dragging myself out of bed at 6 am on a weekend. Well, I do it now because I have commitments. But if I don't have to be up, I'll be in bed till after noon.

My parents and I got home at about 3 pm and we all crashed till 8 pm. Haha! I'm just done with dinner and I'm ready to head back to bed. Another very early day tomorrow... I aim to be in by 7.30 am. I hope everything goes well after a 2 week closure.

I chanced upon a very interesting web site today. Going to explore it some more before I post more details..

2008-03-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

long day.

I am quite literally brain-dead. 4 rounds of verbal diarrhea (ok, it wasn't that bad) can do things to your mental state. But I have to say this. I am VERY impressed by these kids. And I mean kids. They're like 11-15! Oh my gosh.. And they called me Mdm! Argh!!!

I'm more than 10 years older than anyone one of them! But some of them were so cute! Especially this little one from Thailand.. WIth a name like Kittiya, how not cute can she be? Man, some of them were blur like anything, while others sounded way older than they were. The kind of arguments some of the kids came up with made me cringe while some made me sit up and really listen. And the tourney had some cheesy name like scholar's cup.. Man... But then again, these kids are brilliant kids. I peeped at them while they were doing a 100 question quiz. Out of the 7 questions I saw, I think I only got 2 right..

But it was nice being involved in debates again... Thanks for dragging me into it Aud.. Hehe.. Oh yeah, and for the coffee session after... This stupid woman made me peel off the stickers at Coffee Bean.. Man, I felt like a teenager doing something really bad.. 3 of us were like complete idiots with me peeling the damn stickers while the rest of HV on the other side of the glass could see me. Aud and Doug were laughing and pasting the stickers on the table and then on the plate. You would think we had no childhood...

Anyway, I'm off to bed now because I have to be up at 4.30am for Easter Sunrise Service.. And I gota go back to work tomorrow.. Sigh.. And I haven't started on my assignment... ARGH!!!

2008-03-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

good friday.

I am so NOT motivated to get started on my assignment. Sigh... I've been trying to finish up bits and pieces of work stuff that I totally lost the drive to even read the assignment question.. I will start tomorrow night... And hopefully finish by Sunday night..

Well, looks like God must have known I was grumpy because by some twist of events, I am going to adjudicate tomorrow after all! Although, I wish I could go to Ubin.. But nonetheless, yay!! Yeah, on the death promise that I will turn up at ACS tomorrow. Aud is SUCH A NAG... And only cos Min isn't going that's why you made me swear to turn up!! bleah.

Considering today is Good Friday, I really didn't do anything extraordinarily holy or spiritual.. Feeling a little guilty actually, but I really don't know how people actually celebrate it! All these years, its always just been a PH to me.. hmm... maybe next year I should try fasting or something.. Hehe..

Daddy's gona take my car to the workshop again tomorrow, to fix all the weird things that its been doing lately. I laugh everytime think of the wipers coming on each time I signal.. Hahah! Mum had the shock of her life when she drove my car home the other night.. She didn't know whether to laugh or to be shocked but it was funny lah..

I am soooo lazy... I may not have been eating much lately, but I sure have been sleeping ALOT... I'm such a pig... And now, I'm going to open up my pint of HD Belgian Choc and pig out.. :P

p/s: I miss having coffee with you..

2008-03-21T01:30:00.000-07:00

test of faith.

God really does answer prayer in the strangest ways. I prayed for wisdom to handle the 'situation' at work.. I didn't expect God to actually work on the situation! Somehow, there was a change in attitude, a positive one.. Hmm.. I won't say much at this point except that I'm gona give it another week or 2 before I make my final decision...

Renos are done!! And the extension looks awesome!! I wish you're here to see it.. Somehow, after looking at the finished room, I felt my stress level going up slowly.. I could literally see the rental price on the door.. *sweats* But I'm confident we can make this work! I just need to keep prepping my team...

Without me saying, God knows my No. 1 prayer request. And guess what's the latest word? Faith. It literally jumped out at me during service today. I was getting a little bored during the singing (sorry God..) and was flipping through the hymnal when I saw this verse :"Have faith in God." Mark 11:22.
That's it. Just 4 words.

It's a long weekend! But it's also assignment weekend... sigh..... And I'm feeling grumpy because I was supposed to go to Ubin on Saturday or to adjudicate at ACS.. BUT.... I have to work... So I'm going NO where... except to work...

p/s: i miss my teddy bear... :(

2008-03-19T23:00:00.000-07:00

leap years.

Finally went to watch it. Like after the whole of Singapore has watched it. But thanks for the company uncle, even though you already watched it. But it was real nice of you to make me watch it. Precisely because you knew I had to.

Watched it, liked it and cried through every bleeding minute of it (except maybe for the first 15 minutes). Yes, the water facet was turned up big time. My eyes still hurt, even now, 1 hour after the show. For those of you who have yet to watch it, what are you waiting for? Go watch it and cry your hearts out!

I love my friends, really I do. Ris, thank you so so so much for being such an angel last night. I can't believe we Skyped for 2 hours! But what you said made alot of sense and gave me the encouragement I needed. Thank you!! *hugs*
Speaking of angels, Uncle uncle uncle.. I owe you a BIG thank you. For remembering and caring. (just for the record, Uncle is happily married and has NO ulterior motives) The tom yam soup was really nice :P

Oh. My car's getting a little wonky lately. It's acting weird, I swear. Brought the car for a wash yesterday and it suddenly started leaking at various corners! I freaked cos water was dripping everywhere IN the car! I must have looked like an idiot trying to stop the leaks while the car wash guys were drying the exterior. And when I drove out to work today, it was pouring.. I thought to myself, "I am so going to get wet in this rain, in the car!"
But guess what?? No leak! It was pouring like no tomorrow outside and no leaks! Talk about erratic..

That's not all... The wipers decided to be funny too... When I signal either right or left, the wipers come on. Freaked the life out of me when I signalled right yesterday and the wiper came on, under the blazing sun! It was like that all the way home. People were probably wondering... But it was quite funny each time that happened..

Anyway, renos are taking longer than expected... I'm praying real hard we can get everything done up by Friday.. It's not going to be fun waking up early next Monday.. I'm getting lazy at home..

2008-03-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

against every odd.

It has been a rather interesting day.. Came back from coffee with uncle. Thanks for the encouragement uncle, it was really nice catching up with you.

Was watching a documentary on love just now. Yeah.. Interesting topic but very enlightening and heart-warming. Love exists in every corner of our lives, like it or not. And watching the docu gave me some insight on the magic of love.

Here is a couple, married in the 60s.. Theirs is a classic love story, everything was against them. Both of different races and religions. Her family was dead against it, so was the village she was from. Not just that, she had a mental illness that proved to be a constant testing in their marriage. They had to endure ridicule, torment, objection, suspicion, suicide attempts, miscarriages, any calamity you can think of.

It was heart wrenching to listen to him recount each event and how he felt each time she had a relapse of her illness. But through it all... It was their love and devotion for each other that has enabled them to endure the last 33 years of their marriage and its trials. I couldn't bring myself to finish the docu because it was too hard to. But I know that love of that magnitude will only have a beautiful ending.

Despite every odd, they survived it. Because they love each other.

Looking at their story, I felt so inadequate. My struggles pale in comparison.. Every happy relationship/marriage has a struggle tale to tell.. Even my parents'.. But each and everyone of them will tell you that it was through these tough times that their love for each other grew and strengthened the relationship.

Whoever said love doesn't exist in our lives anymore? It's there... Everywhere... We just have to believe in the magic of it.. I do.. I'm a hopeless romantic...

I fell in love with my best friend and confidante. I fell in love with the man who showed me unconditional love and who showed me that even I, was capable of showing unconditional love. I fell in love with the man who against all the odds, displayed endless patience and sincerity and won me over with that.

Correction, I didn't fall in love. I am in love and no, I'm not embarrassed to admit that. Why should I?

In spite of what has happened.. Do I have any regrets?

No, none at all...

I love you.

2008-03-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

karma.

I believe in 'what goes around, comes around'. Don't ask me why I've come up with this line of reasoning but it was just a thought that struck me today.

He would know that I've always been wondering and feeling guilty over how I treated him in the past. The times we met last time didn't quite end so well because I was being downright mean. And this time round, I did mention a couple of times that sometimes I feel he's so nice and good to me that I do feel I don't deserve it, not after what happened. But he always reassures me that that has never crossed his mind. And I believe that.

And I'm not saying he's doing this for payback. He's not like that and I know that. But perhaps its because of me believing in this whole karma thing that has caused me to think that I'm getting what I deserve. No, I'm not being angry or bitter about it, just merely saying what has come across my mind.

I suppose I do deserve this after being such a mean person to him those times. He has been nothing but patient and nice to me, but that obviously wasn't on my checklist of bf-material then.

Call me depressed, call me anything you like. My thought processes these 2 weeks have been going into over-drive and to tell me to stop thinking is impossible. It's eating at me sometimes and I know it.
The waiting sometimes gives me some assurance that there's something I can look forward to. Yet at times, it drives me insane.

Like Aud says, I'm a walking contradiction. I don't even need to have a conversation with anyone. I just keep talking to myself and I can keep myself entertained for hours. What can I say? I'm a debater..

2008-03-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

sense of humor.

Last I checked, I'm still in the same nightmare... Only 2 people hold the answers to what has happened. One's so high up even the airplanes can't reach Him, the other so far away that only by airplane can I get to him. But right now, both aren't talking much. Interesting sense of humor, the both of you have.

I'm been going in circles trying to find some kind of ground.. I want to move on, away from this nightmare. But He's holding me back by asking me to wait. No other answers, just wait.

Wait. For what? Is there any point in me doing so? Right now, all the doors are closed. The horrible experience of walking through a dark corridor with not even a sliver of light is what I'm going through now. I don't like the dark... But I'm being made to go through it anyway...

I wanted to be patient. But He doesn't hand out patience pills on a platter for you. He throws countless challenges at you so that you LEARN to be patient. And that's exactly what He's doing right now. I just want to know if there's any point in me waiting specifically...

2008-03-14T22:00:00.000-07:00

me-day.

Yeah... Today was a me day.. Except for the last part of my day, I spent the other parts of today alone.. And by choice too.. Woke up early today and headed for office. Bad idea... Place was dusty like anything cos renos aren't quite done yet. I saw the wall color.. Very nice and cheerful.. When I saw the color, I wanted to repaint my room that color too! Its really a very cheery color, something I need these days..

Anyway.. Stay at work till about 2pm and headed off to run some errands. Then headed down to HV for a mani/pedi. Yeah, a long overdue one.. God must have know I'd be feeling nostalgic... By some strange arrangement, I ended up sitting at a new corner of the place.. The last time we were there, we sat on the other side.. (thank you God)

Mani/pedi done.. Went to the cafe upstairs to kill time.. Had a cheesecake and a hazelnut latte. I ought to kick myself sometimes.. Knowing certain things and places will send me into emo-mode, I still go ahead and do them or go there anyway. Yeah, it was the hazelnut latte.. Even the cup looked familiar.. Ambience was nice, cheesecake was good.. Latte was nice too.. But something was missing.. sigh...

My head hurts now because I hit my head on the sharp edge of my car boot.. Now I've got a teeny bruise right smack in the middle of my forehead. I'm such a klutz. bleah.

It's going to be another assignment weekend... SIGH.... I thought I just finished the last one...

I hope the nice weather stays... Its been raining like no tomorrow the last 2 days.. But today's weather was perfect!!

My mother laughed at my bruise.. argh.. She can never understand how come I'm such a klutz... argh. And I've got bruises all over my legs from Ubin... See what I mean??

Ok.. I'm going to sleep.. Gota walk carefully.. Don't wana trip over the wires... sheesh...

2008-03-13T17:00:00.000-07:00

unproductive.

Today's been a totally unproductive day. After 3 days of meetings and team-building activities.. I'm kinda exhausted... Thought I deserve a break..

Still having a slight fever but all's well...

I'm going to allow myself to indulge in a little emo-ness today... I don't care if I don't make sense to anyone or if anyone has something to say about it.. I'm going to say it anyway...

It sucks.. For the past 2 weeks, I've been living in a nightmare.. For some parts.. It hasn't gotten any easier... Still many questions but no answer...

The only person I got an answer out of said to wait. For what? I don't know... He just said to wait... And I will...

I'm so tired I want to crawl into bed and never get out of it...

2008-03-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

monsoon blues.

It's been raining, no, pouring, the past few days and its certainly made the weather loads cooler.. But its also put a damper on people's spirits.

2 days of meetings and 1 day at Ubin (and getting drenched in the downpour) later, I'm sick. Mega high fever. Feeling real tired now..

Oh yeah, had at accident at Ubin yesterday too.. Knocked into a moving van while on my bicycle. Impact threw me off the bicycle but good thing no one saw.. Otherwise, there would be major commotion.

Actually, it was quite hilarious even though I got hurt. Haha!

Ok, now I'm not making sense. Going to sleep... night...

2008-03-11T16:00:00.000-07:00

ubin adventure.

I'm back from a company organised trip to Ubin. Had to be at Changi Village at like 8am, only to realise that it was supposed to be 9am!! But I'm quite proud of the fact that in the past 4 days, I've driven to places I never would have gone alone if niceguy was around. Saturday was to Punggol, Monday to Ang Mo Kio and today to Changi Village. I actually managed to find my way there without getting lost!:)

Anyway, the day started with perfect weather... Sun was out but it wasn't warm, in fact, because of yesterday's rain, it was cool. We had to complete this challenge with clues and all.. And halfway walking through the mangrove swamp... It started to rain. We hopped on to our bicycles, hoping to beat the rain. But suddenly it started to pour, and we were soaked through...

Since we were already wet. not sense in finding shelter.. So we pedaled from one end of Ubin to the next trying to finish the challange. By the time we reached our final checkpoint, there was no part of us left dry. Although the rain was a damper, we had loads of fun. We're all going to wake up with butt-aches and thigh aches but it was definately a fun trip!

Now I'm showered and feeling quite sleepy.. Gona take a nap before TT tonight..

p/s: thought of you while I was at Ubin today... I miss you...

2008-03-10T22:30:00.000-07:00

attitude.

Yeah, that was the big word in today's meeting. It all boils down to our attitude, in whatever we do. Something happened today that cheesed me off big time.. BUT, I will not dwell on it anymore.

My resolution this year (i know, abit late.. but still.. better late than never!), is to be MORE tolerant. I will learn not to react negatively when things happen. I'm going to try to stop being cynical about everything and to see the good in things before I see the bad. God's really teaching me to be patient. And you know how He's doing it?
Not by removing all the things that drive me up the wall BUT by putting them constantly in my face... So that I have no choice but to learn how to deal with it. Because I have made a personal commitment today to be less stubborn, more tolerant and patient (don't laugh, Aud!).

Well, its true... Before I can see the wonders God is doing in my life, I need to change that questioning nature of mine and learn to let go and Let God. It's in respect to every aspect of my life.. Man, its going to be an uphill challenge but I can do it! (there you go... positive attitude for you :P)

I believe that once I can achieve it, God will show His plan for me in time... No, it doesn't mean that I'm giving up or running away.. I'm just simply facing up to reality and doing what I need to do now...

2008-03-09T13:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know which is worse, being lost or being trapped.

I don't know if knowing the future or not knowing is better.

I don't know if I'll live to a ripe old age or die tomorrow.

But I know that we need to have faith and hope.

And I also know that saying was the easy part, now comes the hard part.. believing, in hope against all hope...

2008-03-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

reconciliation.

Just got back from dinner with the family, Mum's birthday. My family's always finding some reason to go somewhere nice to eat.. Not that I'm complaining though :P tonight's dinner was quite yummy.. I owe my love for food to my parents who are rather adventurous with food and would travel around the island for good food (note: that doesn't imply Lawry's standard everytime). Dinner was undoubtably good but it was what we did after dinner that I wana make special mention.

Dinner was with my family, uncle 3 and cousin (uncle 2's daugher). Uncle 2 and uncle 3 haven't been on talking terms for years... The sad thing was, they used to live under the same roof but fell out after a disagreement with the sale of the old flat. So, its been years since the brothers have spoken.

Uncle 2 has been ill lately and was hospitalised just before CNY. He was discharged before the 1st day of CNY but was recently hospitalised again.. This time round, it was quite bad... Now, he has to walk with aid and he looks really unwell.. My cousin told us over dinner and uncle 3 said he wanted to visit. Mum was stunned but quickly said yes. So off we went to uncle 2's place. It was really really nice to see both my uncles talking to each other after so many years...

Mum's really happy.. Think this is really the best birthday gift she's received... :)

2008-03-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

not the path i chose.

No, not at all. This isn't what I wanted my life to be. I envisioned myself, at 25, to be happily married to a rich man, living the life of a tai-tai.. Or at the very least, having an extremely successful career, mingling with the upper echelons of society. And of course, having a nice big house with a nice ride and beautiful children. Going for holidays every year, going on shopping trips, walking into boutiques and being served like some tai-tai.

At 25, where am I? NOwhere near that. Of course, I have a nice big HDB flat, nice old car and I am mingling with the upper echelons of society.. The heartland society, that is. And yeap, I am constantly surrounded by beautiful children at work :P And yes, I am living the life of a tai-tai, the HDB tai-tai. Haha.

My life now isn't half bad actually. Could do better but hey, the fact that I'm alive and healthy is reason enough to be thankful. I have my loved ones here and I'm holding a pretty decent job. I am pretty contented actually. Once I survive the next 2 years and emerge with that blasted degree in hand, life should be pretty darn chill...

Anyway, the most bizzare thing happened just now (and only Aud knows the full details). And my source of comfort came in the most unexpected person.. Thank you AD, your call was the answer to my prayer and I am feeling loads better. Well, the path has been laid.. I just need to take that step of faith and WALK the damn path now... It did come with a disclaimer: It ain't gonna be easy but it sure as hell is going to be worth it...

So yeah... Walk, I shall... And suddenly, the image of travelling up to Genting strikes. You know how at the foot of the Genting Hill, you get all excited cos you're reaching (even though you're only at the foot??). But yeah, with each turn, you get all excited until somewhere about 15 mins later, the excitement dies cos it seems never ending. Then when you reach Awana, you're all hyped again.. And you fall asleep 5 mins later cos you're still about 20mins away from Genting?

My position on my path right now is akin to the foot of Genting Hill. Don't ask me why I'm drawing reference from Genting. I just am. Hah.

Right now, I am totally wiped. 2 teachers down today. That meant running in and out of classes for me.. I am soooo tired and I have an assignment due in 2 hours. And I gota go meet Ah Seng the contractor tomorrow (no, not the aquarium Ah Seng). Doomsday looms nearer... (its in 3 days, actually)

Ok, I'm rambling..

2008-03-06T20:45:00.000-08:00

beyond the impossible.

Lord unveil my eyes
Let me see You face to face
The knowledge of Your love
As You live in me.
Lord renew my mind
As Your will unfolds in my life
In living every day
In the power of Your love

This song became my prayer today. It has been a stressful day. By 6pm, I was ready to call it quits and bury myself somewhere. Having to struggle with an emotional cycle everyday is extremely draining. But time and time again, I'm reminded of the fact that its because I have no faith that's why I sink into that low moment. Yet, it's so much easier to wallow in that moment of self pity, than to pull myself out of it.

I was so stressed I couldn't breathe. All kinds of thoughts whirled through my mind as I tried to get a grip on things. It took a bout of crying and a desperate prayer before I could see or even think straight. Believing in hope against all odds is tough, very very tough. Yet, nothing is too small or impossible for God..

At work, I'm struggling with a very tough decision. A decision I need to be objective about. And the stress is getting to me. I'm losing the confidence I started with. I'm doubting everything I do now. I need to sort this out before it jeopardises the peace I'm trying to maintain.
I'm at a loss what to do sometimes. I thought I made a good decision, only to have it backfire in my face. (i think you're the only one who knows what or who has been bothering me at work.. that was what I wanted to talk about)

At school, the pressure of 2nd year is mounting. My resolution to do well this year is slowly dimming.. I'm really struggling to keep on top of my readings and to start assignments earlier.

To you, deep down in your heart, you knew that this wasn't what you wanted. But yet, it had to be because that was the best solution you could come up with. If only you had committed it to Him. Really... But right now, that shouldn't be your priority.

Find Him where you are and trust that He will work it out for you while guiding you.

p/s: if only you knew how much faith everyone has in you...

2008-03-05T21:20:00.000-08:00

experiencing.

Its a cycle I had to go through. And yes, Aud you're right... How many more confirmations do I need to be sure? Okok... I got the point and I will proceed from here...

Strange how the answer was staring in my face and being the stubborn and cynical person I am, I refused to see it or acknowledge it.. And there I was asking for more signs to be sure..

Anyway, thanks Zer as well... I've already got things sorted out and for now, I shall be patient.. Now that's something I definately to work on, patience. I can imagine Aud sniggering (you're supposed to be on my side!)

Well... The stress at work and school is mounting.. And I mean MOUNTING.... Deadlines really live up to their names... DEAD-line... Assignment is still untouched because I'm not done with readings.. Budget is almost done.. Marketing plan is about done.. The day of reckoning will be Monday when we have to present it.. Sheesh...

I'm still struggling with decisions at work.. Gota be sure that my decisions are fair and justified. Sigh....

I've come to a realization in the last few days. Stress is something we all struggle with. Some handle it and rise to the occasion. Some live in denial about it.. Others simply buckle under it.

I think alot of times, I'm a cross between the 1st and the 3rd type. I react to the stress, usually negatively.. Then after lots of ranting and raving, I eventually manage to handle it..
People handle stresses differently.. Men and women handle it differently... But what matters at the end of it is how you handled it and made it work for you, rather than against you...

Its difficult to be rational about it but I can understand why it happened. Funny how I've managed to find the answers I was looking for, accept the situation and to look towards that light at the end of the tunnel...

2 hours 40 mins to whatever the heck Aud calls it. Heh..

Answer is clear: Wait.

2008-03-04T23:00:00.000-08:00

pray&wait.

Yes, that's the answer I got when I went for bible study tonight. YES!! After many years of procrastinating and finding a million excuses, I made the move to actually go for the TT (Tuesday Thing). I'm glad I went. I found answers and assurance...

It took this to happen for me to go back to God.. I'm still learning and its been a real learning experience. Never have I prayed so desperately for direction. With what I've been hearing from people and Him, its becoming clearer.

Learning to be patient... In all sense of the word...

2008-03-03T21:00:00.000-08:00

God answers.

I cannot deny that. Amazing and true, He answers in the most unusual ways sometimes, through the most unexpected people. Thanks Aud, it really helped put things into perspective. Yeah, it's going to be very tough but everything has happened for a reason and I know he had his reasons for doing so.

I don't blame him or myself. I think I've gone past that stage. Now the plan is to move on and have faith. To the people who have been talking to me these few days: Sam, Xav, Aud & AD... Thank you all so much.

Looking beyond this, perhaps it was good that this happened now because it probably was waiting to happen already. It hurts very much but yes, God had a higher purpose for it. Through the events that have taken place these few days, its undeniable true.

To you, please don't be stressed. Really... You know you buckle under the pressure so keep your head up and your cool.. I know you're under immense pressure to do well and I certainly wasn't helping. But all that's past. Look ahead and do what you have to do... I'm still here if you need yeah?

Just take good care of yourself and stay sane:)

i love you.

2008-03-03T02:46:00.000-08:00

questions.

My head is swimming with tons of questions. Yet, each answer you give or each answer I come up with, doesn't make sense. My emotions these days are quite indescribable. I wana talk about it but I don't know what to say or who to tell sometimes. People have been giving various advice and each one of them, encouraging.

I don't quite know what to think, feel or say. I can't concentrate on anything because I'm trying so hard to understand. I'm searching for answers but the ones I get seem to lead to more questions...

Sudden. Bizzare. Puzzling. Unreal. Unusual.

sigh...

2008-03-02T08:25:00.000-08:00

knowing.

Bottomline, it was the environment that was the influence. I know you better than that and you know yourself.. But since that's what you requested for, you've got it.. I do understand how its a phase you need to go through..

No hard feelings, really.. Just puzzled because it's not like you, and you know that..

Phil 4:6 became very real this week... The wonderful power of prayer... God has truly answered prayers in the most amazing ways these few days. I have drifted so far over the years and this caused me to reflect and trust in Him. That He alone knows whats best for us and often times, the things we do may not be what He wants for us. But He lets us go ahead and make the wrong decisions anyway. So that, at the end of it all.. We fail and learn why that was wrong to begin with...

Strange how we throw away what we have now in pursuit of something thats supposedly better.. Only to find out what we had was really the best and what He wanted for us. But being humans, the grass IS always on the other side. But only by trying and failing, will we understand and learn.

Thank you God for being so real this week. I've learnt to call upon you faithfully in prayer and I know you will answer my prayers in Your Time..

2008-03-01T01:34:00.000-08:00

unreal.

I wana wake up from this bad dream. God, please don't do this to me...

2008-02-17T23:00:00.000-08:00

happy post..

Yes yes.. This will be a happy post.. But I'm not going to guarantee that there won't be any reminiscing.. Because I promised to update my blog and this entry is going to do just that... (ok, that sounded like babbling..)

Anyway... Much has happened since the last post.. For one, I have booked my air ticket to Perth.. So YES!!! I am going up in June!! Yay!! End May to be exact.. Not that it would matter to any of you.. Except niceguy:) Oh well, having booked my ticket certainly gives me something to look forward to now.. Oh yeah, first time to Perth and first time by budget air.. Yikes.. No idea how it'll turn out but all's well.. Shouldn't be that bad..

Niceguy is settling well in Perth and yes, he's finally gotten a house.. After 2 agonising weeks of viewing and waiting.. He's moved in and is now waiting for his phone line to be up so he can call me at night.. Overseas calls and smses sure aren't cheap but its worth the price.. Emails just don't do it that much for me.. Although, email does give me unlimited word count and its free..

Well... It's been 2 weeks and it's getting better.. The loneliness I mean.. I miss him like hell but I suppose we're both managing.. It's true that maintaining a long distance relationship isn't easy but we've talked alot of this before he left so that's really helping. It really takes alot of trust from both to make this work..

This 2 weeks, God has really proved Himself to be real... Of course, I know God's there and all but sometimes when things aren't going well, it's hard to put our faith in Him. So much easier to just rely on our own resources to try and work things out. But it never fails to hit you at some point that you just gota 'let go and let God'.
Before niceguy left, we prayed and committed our relationship and everything to God and that was a truly special moment because we really felt God's presence. It gave us both the assurance that He is there with us and He will guide us through..

2 things that we both need to thank God for:
- I booked my air ticket just last week, almost 4 months before departure. I took a step of faith and blocked out my leave dates. I was really taking my chances because I would be away for 3 weeks during the June hols, coming back only the morning school is due to reopen.
Reason why I booked so early was because Tiger Air was having a really good promo. And I got a really good price for my ticket. I prayed really hard that everything would be ok.. Just this week, I received news that really stunned me.. By God's grace, because of some logistic rearrangement, my centre will be open one week later.
Which means, I get 1 extra week to make sure everything is in place before school reopens. Isn't that amazing??

- Niceguy has been viewing houses the last 2 weeks.. The houses were either too expensive or it wasn't right. 2 days before he was due to move out of his temp accomodation, he found a suitable house and submitted his application for approval by the landlord.
The day he moved out of his temp. accom., still no news... So he had to sit at a nearby cafe and wait for the agent to call. Thank God, an hour later, the agent called with good news...

These 2 incidents really demonstrated God's realness.. God truly works in His time and with His purpose.

To you, keep praying and trusting k? We'll work this out together... I love you :)

2008-02-07T22:30:00.000-08:00

missing you...

I miss:

- not having you around

- our nightly coffee sessions

- shopping with you

- playing Scrabble and Monopoly

- our drives around Singapore

- your hugs

- YOU

2008-02-05T00:01:00.000-08:00

post-parting feelings.

Had I blogged this entry 12 hours before, this would have been a really depressing entry. But now, 12 hours later, I'm feeling alot happier. Why? Nothing much actually, just maybe slowly getting used to niceguy not being around. I still miss him alot but the sad feelings are slowly fading away. Missing him doesn't mean I have to be sad all the time.. Of course, I had my really down moments during the day but each time he called or smsed, was a bright spark in my day :)

Went onto Qantas' website this afternoon and searched for dates and rates for my June trip.. That was certainly a high point in my day! I also submitted my leave application this afternoon. So once I get the green light, I can book my tickets and then... I have something concrete to look forward to!!

Poor baby's bored to death there.. Searching for a place to stay and adjusting to the really warm weather in Perth. Cheer up dear! It's only the first day.. I'm sure you'll find a place soon :)

Work was pretty ok today.. Had a good day at work... Staff meeting.. Made adjustments, gave out new responsibilities and made things clear. Think everyone was happy..

Another day over... One day closer to June :)

Think its more cheerful to be looking forward to my Perth trip then the events from now till then.. Assignments.. Budget deadline, marketing strategy.. bleah..

okok... happy thoughts.. perth... haha! think i'm turning mental..

2008-02-03T21:40:00.000-08:00

today.

It has finally happened... The 5 hour flight time between us has now officially taken effect. He's there while I'm here. It's tough, really tough..

The last one week was spent meeting friends and spending time together.. It was a bittersweet week as we crammed all the free time we had and tried to make up for the 4 months apart.. But nothing could stop the flow of emotions last night, the night before he leaves.. Though we've talked about everything possible before, we've tried to be strong for each other and not show how painful it really was. But last night was it.. No false front, no strong demeanor... Just honest feelings and fears... It was so painful to talk about it but yet, seeing how each of us was not alone, made things a little more bearable..

Baby, thank you for letting me know how you truly felt about it, that I was not alone in my misery.. We made a commitment to each other and a promise to Him. He has made it possible for us to be together after going through so much crap, He will make it possible for us to work this out.. Praying together made me feel closer to you and I'm sure you felt it too...

Standing at the departure hall with him, his family and our friends seemed rather surreal.. The drama of excessive baggage and repacking kinda made things a little more light hearted.. But nothing could soften the pain of watching him walk through the departure gates and past the immigration counter.. I promised I wouldn't cry but that was just not possible..

On this note, I owe big thanks to Jo & Sam and ger & Fred.. Thanks for making it to the airport.. Your presence was really a source of support for me, esp. ger. I wouldn't have been able to take it had you not been there..

As I type, it helps to be able to blog this all down... Perhaps it takes a little of the pain away.. Whatever it is, I'm looking forward to June when I fly up to meet him.. 4 months... and definately counting down... Nothing is going to deter me from going over...

2008-01-26T15:56:00.000-08:00

one week to go...

It's as though we both know the day approaches and we're spending as much time as we can together... It sure as hell is tough but yet at the same time, this decision has allowed us to really put our relationship into perspective.

I will miss you like crazy but yet, knowing you are feeling the same over there kinda does ease the longing a little... Well, I suppose its a good thing that my schedule for the rest of the year seems ridiculously packed. Whether that is a good thing, that remains to be seen. One thing is for sure, I need to get a life.. Seriously... Moping around and missing him ain't gonna do me any good..

Update on the workfront... Things seem to be picking up.. Ts are settling down and the kids seem to be enjoying school:) One thing I'm really learning to do in my current post is managing people effectively. It's really tough and I'm really having to learn how to keep my temper in check. Oh yeah, the immense urge to slap people at times is really tempting but I gotta do it facebook style and not literally... I can see it in my head "S slaps so-and-so* or *S throws a dung bomb at so-and-so*

Sheesh.. Working in an all female environment is damn tough but it can be an immense sense of satisfaction if I can control all that well..

Was at drama centre on Thursday watching "Chestnuts". Oh man, it was one helluva performance! I was totally impressed by that local production. It's basically a theatre show that spoofs ads, movies, musicals and plays in the last year.. There were the lame moments but on the whole, it was a blast! Niceguy was literally in stitches the whole show.. Thanks to Cynthia for the tickets! Cynthia, by the way, will be my date for V-day this year.. Seeing that niceguy won't be around to celebrate it.. But I am so looking forward to V-day cos we're gona watch a play! :P

Oh oh!! Tune in the CNA tomorrow night, 28th Jan'08 @ 7.30pm!! Madam here will be on TV!!! It's actually an education documentary on Education in Asia.... Go watch!!

Ok, gota go.. My knight in his silver car is here.. Take care people, love you all! *hugs*

2008-01-23T01:30:00.000-08:00

12 days & counting down very reluctantly...

Yeap.. 12 days to go and I am so not looking forward to it.. Yet, at the same time, I wish the 2 years will fly past... Or maybe I should just be looking forward to June.. Doesn't seem so far :P

Work has been piling up steadily.. I am also getting more and more stressed by the day.. Now I understand why J says all she ever does all day is send emails and read emails... I'm not quite there yet but my workload does seem never-ending.. And term is starting next week.. Seems that things will start picking up at the end of Jan.. Uni, tuition, debates etc..

Had a good weekend with Saturday spent with my darling god-son, best friend and her hubby.. of course with nice guy too... Little K ain't very little anymore but he is soooo cute!! Took photos of him but as with my habit (or laziness), will not be posting any pictures..
Sunday, we went for a mani/pedi! Yeap, you read right.. :P It was a realli interesting experience esp. niceguy.. He looked so awkward sitting on the chair.. Haha! But I'm glad you enjoyed the experience...

The last couple of days has been spent shopping for stuff.. Both for him to bring over and for me to bring to work.. The last 3 weeks at work has been going smoothly for the most part, except for one little glitch. Can't go into much details here (you never know who's reading) but here's the general gist.. I'm having some staff prob.. Getting a little attitude here and its getting on my nerves.. But I'm also learning how to deal with that and man, its tough!

Anyway, I'm really zoned.. Will update soon...

2008-01-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

3 more weeks...

It's really happening.. As much as I don't wish to notice the days ticking away, it's glaring me in the face.. But I'm forcing myself to look towards June when I go up to visit...

This entry is specially for you... For simply being you... You made 2007 such an awesome year and you promised that 2008 will be even better. Yes, I'm sure it will be...

For those of you out there complaining about your bf and gushing about what a darling your friend's bf is.. STOP it. Think of the person you fell in love with.. Why did you fall in love with him? Think of the many things he has done to make your day or just to see you smile.. Remember the beautiful memories you both have created and learn from the unpleasant ones..

God made it possible for us to meet time & again.. And each time, with a higher purpose that led to a wonderful beginning. Your patience, your love and your annoying idiosyncracies are all part of why I love you so much. Waking up at 6am on a non-work day just to buy me breakfast and send me to work... Making all the necessary arrangements to ease my burden... Buying me a silly handphone chain just because I like it.. Staying up late to make sure I'm home safe before you turn in.... Ferrying me from place to place despite me having a car...

All these things and so much more... You do so much but ask for so little in return.. And all you ask for is that I be happy... Everything you do, you always consider us.. You always think 3 steps ahead of me.. Because you understand me so well, you always try to shift things around to make me happy... You think about the simplest things and do them because you understand why it has to be done...

It's gona be tough without you around but we will work it out... I'll hold you to the promise you made me at Haagen Dazs... And I will keep mine as well...

Thank you for loving me and for making my life complete... 2008 will be an exciting year and I'm glad I have you to share it with.. I love you..

2008-01-05T10:48:00.000-08:00

Christmas, birthday & anniversary...

Yeah... Its a triple combo celebration at the end of the year and I definately will be looking forward to this year's:) Somehow, it doesn't matter how simple or extravagant the celebration is. All that matters is when that special someone remembers and you get to spend it with him/her. Our end-year celebrations were low-key, just the way we like it.. But it's extra meaningful this time because he's leaving for Perth soon..

My birthday was spent with family first then with niceguy. He surprised me with a big bouquet of flowers!! :) which, by the way, is hanging in the toilet now.. drying.. haha! And I got my logcake! :P It was a nice simple celebration but niceguy went all out to make it special and meaningful.. Thank you, dear..

Anniversary was special too... Imagine.. It's only been a year but it feels like we've been together for a long time... We spent 31st in church (which has its significance too) then rushed down to catch the fireworks.. Certain things have become a tradition and I wonder if he'll remember this year-end... Spent the first few minutes of 2008 on the highway with a hundred over cars watching the fireworks then headed for a party... Went over to ah por's for a game of Monopoly then met up with Jo & Sam for coffee and Monopoly round 2..

Monopoly has become our latest favourite past time.. And its a good game to play with friends.. But its also important to stay as friends after the game..

In conclusion, 2007 has been a good year with many surprises along the way.. 2008 will be very different but much better..

2007-12-26T11:30:00.000-08:00

first christmas.

Seems like we've been together a long time.. But it's just coming to a year.. And this year was our first christmas together:) Niceguy went for church camp a couple of days before and came back just a day before Christmas Eve.. Me? Spent Christmas Eve morning packing up the house cos the carollers were coming to my place.. Yeah.. And by the time they left, it was 4am Christmas morning...

But my church frens came over around 11.30pm so that we could count down at my place.. That was nice of them, even though they left almost after that.. Hehe.. Well, I'm not complaining either cos niceguy came over and didnt leave till after the carollers left.. Christmas day was spent eating.. Hehe.. Went over to ah por's house in the evening and went off elsewhere after.. Ended up at Newton for supper with alot of food... All in all, it was a quiet but meaningful Christmas...

We're about a month away before he leaves and I think I'm coming to terms with it.. Easy to say now.. But things don't seem that much of a bummer.. Think it helps that I have a really good bunch of frens... Ms Sharon, Uncle Ed, uncle j., jac, just to name a few...

These guys have been really encouraging and it really helps:) Thanks guys!!

To you, thank you for making Christmas special.. I know you really made the effort to arrange things and I do appreciate all that.. Thank you for the gifts too... The pony set is sitting nicely on my shelf..
The talk we had yesterday? Don't worry baby.. God always has His timing for His plans.. We just need to heed them.. We'll walk this path together, no matter what happens..

Well, will not bore u guys with details.. Just remember one thing... 4 days to my birthday!! That's all that matters... Hehe!

Blessed Christmas everyone!!

2007-12-17T08:42:00.000-08:00

a random phonecall would be nice.

i waited all night.

didn't matter that i was exhausted.

just a call would have made that go away.

im still waiting for the call...

2007-12-16T10:26:00.000-08:00

its the little things that we share....

- crazy World Cup nights
- long coffee chats
- our love for food
- board games
- driving all over the island
- identical laptops
- chilling out for
- our faith in Him
- our love & commitment
- * this list will be updated periodically...*

2007-12-07T01:56:00.001-08:00

acceptance...

It’s been 2 days since the email came. And how am I coping? Pretty well, I must say. I know its for the best and I trust you. I won’t pretend to be tough and say I’m not afraid and that I won’t feel sad...

But I know you always do things with a goal and a plan in mind... And you always have me in your plans when you decide on things. For that, I truly thank God for the wonderful person you are. Your selflessness sometimes puts me to shame because I wish I could be like you. Yet, its because you are such an amazing person, that’s why I love you so much.

2 years will be over before we know it and then things will move from there. It’s a scary but exciting time:) I don’t see it as a test of anything. Our relationship doesn’t need to be tested or assessed. It’s by God’s grace and providence that we met again and now we’re together. So, it will be by that, that our relationship will stand strong.

We’ve made plans and promises and we will make them come true. Distance is just a geographical obstacle that can be overcome. All that remains now is for certain purchases to be made and we’re all set.

Sounds good so far, doesn’t it? To be honest, the fear I feel sometimes grips me so hard and the emotional storm I feel, overwhelms me..

2007-12-07T01:56:00.000-08:00

2007-11-24T19:00:00.000-08:00

decisions, decisions, decisions...

It's finally over!!! My exams, I mean... And yes.. I AM ULTRA RELIEVED.... Not that I've studied real hard for them, but yeah... And yay!! Christmas IS round the corner!! And then my birthday (hint.. hint.. :p)

The last 2 weeks or so have been rather eventful... School term for work is out and exams are over.. Niceguy also submitted his application.. sigh... It's so tough to do the right things sometimes.. This move is really good for our future but its the now that's hard to handle.. But.. We'll worry about that when the results are out...

In the meantime, I'm just really glad my own school term is over.. And I can finally get started on the mountain of backlog waiting nicely for me on my worktable... sheesh... It's going to be an exciting December, not to mention busy.. But hey! It's gona be Christmas soon!! Now, that's something to be happy about..

The reason why I'm so perky is because I'm finally better from my bout of stomach flu, no thanks to my brother.. It was a really lousy week.. The vomitting, runs, medication and basically just feeling damn lousy.. And to make it worse.. No chilli in my food!! Argh!! The torture...

BUT!!! That is all passe! Ha ha ha! I just had a bowl of laksa just now.. Much to niceguy's annoyance... Heehee...
Oh yes, my dearest has been an absolute angel this whole week (not that he's usually not).. Took me to the doc's and nagged me every 3 hours to eat something, drink water, take medicine and rest more.. And NO chilli.. Not that I would have tried.. But, thank you so much baby.. All the little gestures really made this week so much more bearable.. *muacks*

(Stop rolling your eyes, you! That last para was meant for niceguy, not you :P)

Anyway, I am back and making as much noise as ever...

And before I end off, my kiddos at NP made my weekend by snagging 3wins out of 4 rounds in the recent Inter-Polys. Well done Team A!! To my dearest Team B... Losing is part of it all.. Take it in your stride cos you guys did your best and I'm proud of you.. We'll do better next year!:)

Alright.. Time to sign off!! Have a great weekend peeps! *hugs*

2007-11-09T01:10:00.001-08:00

good things come to those who wait...

That was so true when niceguy and I went down to Singtel yesterday. Yeah, I know.. It was the retardest thing to do simply 'cos it was a PH... We waited for 4 hours before we made our purchase but it was well worth the wait.. After signing another 2 years on my mobile plan, getting a $120 rebate and a PH special.. We basically paid nothing for the phone.. So, niceguy was a happy man yesterday and because I saved him so much money, I got rewarded!! Heehee.. Thanks baby!
So that made 2 happy people yesterday

Then it was off to ah por's for dinner and monopoly... It was almost like church camp, just with a slightly different group.. Dinner was good and the game was quite hilarious.. Pity niceguy and I had to leave early 'cos we had made prior arrangements..

It's been a good week so far.. Celebrated Daddy's birthday over the weekend and GK's concert before that...

One more week to term break!! But its still gona be busy busy busy till December.. But once I'm done with exams, I'd feel really relieved...

Alot of things to accomplish in the next 2 weeks... But God provides!:)

2007-11-05T03:49:00.000-08:00

2 weeks left...

Pretty sad ain't it, when I'm actually counting down to the school holidays? Not that I'm complaining about work... I still enjoy work but the teaching part is getting to me.. But the thought me having to teach for just another 5 days is actually a cheerful thought..

It's been a pretty good weekend.. I have to admit this... God really and truly works in amazing ways.. He knew that financially, it has been a little tight and somehow, I had enough to sustain till payday... To make matters worse, I have 3 parking fines.. All in the same month.. But after writing in, I managed to get 2 out of the 3 waived..

Had an interesting talk with niceguy last night.. Contents not suitable for public display, so I shall no delve into it.. It was just amusing and interesting to be talking about stuff in that way..

I'm really glad I've submitted all my assignments for the semester.. The feeling of relief is indescribable.. Although, I really should start revision for the exams like soon...

Oh well... Will work it... Really...

And yes.. I am FINALLY starting my kickboxing class... :)

2007-10-29T03:22:00.000-07:00

good start to the week...

Yeah, today was definately a good day despite it being a Monday:) But first, weekend updates. Went down to the VS debates and it was nice being involved with debates at that level. Those kids never fail to amaze me and some of them were really good. Seeing how some of the kids have improved from 2 years ago, really brought back memories.

And it was really nice meeting up with Aud and Min. Man, its been ages since I last saw the both of them, esp. Aud. Still the same wacky Aud... Will try to come down for trainings, u two...:)

Today's filming was a success!!! The kids were really good for the most part and everything went well. It was kinda nerve wrecking though, having to go through the interview. But the interviewer said I did well.. So people, mark down 21st Jan next year, down in your diaries.. Madam might just be making my TV debut.. Hahaha!

Anyway, good news at work.. I've managed to find teachers for next year.. Thank God... It's been quite nerve-wrecking.. Only thing left now would be the approval from FSSD...

Received an SMS middle of last week from a good friend in the States. We've been hearing about reports of the California fires but it really hit home when I received her message. The locality suddenly become much closer.. Her family and her are safe, just that they are all packed and ready for evacuation, anytime...
Please pray the fires will be under control soon and for the safety of these Californians...

2007-10-25T03:32:00.000-07:00

surprise from my angel...

Yesterday wasn't such a bad day at work. In fact, one of the days that I looked forward to 'cos I didn't have to teach and I could actually finish up some work.

But I was really tired by the end of the day. First, I had tons of things to finish up plus I had training with NP. By the time training was done, I was absolutely zonked. I think niceguy knew.. Cos he went home to pick up the car and told me to drive my car home and we'll take his car.

But... The highlight of my night was when I got into the car and he said, "Dear, I have something for you." I thought it was one of those corporate gifts he gets sometimes and he got something cute like magnetic clips. So I didn't think much of it. But something about that sheepish and expectant look on his face just didn't seem right.

He reached behind for his pouch and pulled out a box! With a ribbon!! It was REALLY a gift!! I was really surprised... I think I held on to the box for a full minute before I untied the ribbon. And it was something I've been meaning to buy for sometime but just didn't have the time to go get it. Budget has been a little tight too...

No doubt, it was a very practical gift.. Something I really needed rather than wanted. But the fact that he bought me something while he was out, made it really special.. But he had to spoil the moment by saying, "Isn't this better than flowers?" Argh.....

Guys just NEVER understand... I agree.. Flowers are an absolute waste of time, money and space. But its precisely because of the above reasons that girls absolutely look forward to receiving them. The sheer fact that its outright impractical makes it all the more appealing. So dear.. *hint hint* :P

Nevertheless, thank you for the sweet thought, baby... You really made my day... *hugs*

2007-10-22T02:58:00.000-07:00

heart-to-heart...

Niceguy and I had a really good weekend... Went for a chalet on Friday, spent most of Saturday together and had a very meaningful talk on Sunday..

I suppose our relationship has moved on to another level and its not just about being lovey-dovey and going on dates. We have gone past that and now, we're in the midst of working out future plans...

Talking to different people yields different responses and opinions... Looking at some friends' relationships have made me appreciate ours more and looking at others, have forced me to reflect and make certain decisions...

Work has been busy as usual but still manageable.. My portfolio has changed slightly and I'm really excited about the new responsibilities.. Still looking to hire more teachers..

School has been getting increasing tough to handle.. This semester has been really tough.. I've not been very motivated and as a result, my grades are suffering.. Right now, I just want to get the last 2 assignments over and done with.. With those out of the way, I can concentrate on work and my exams.

A big thank you to Ms Sharon, Uncle Ed and uncle for being constant encouragements.. Thanks, you three.. Our msn chats have been really stress-reliving and makes work so much more bearable:)

Of course, special thank you to my dearest for being ever patient and understanding..:P

2007-10-18T02:48:00.000-07:00

random.

Just realised that my last post was on Monday. Well... Tuesday was a slightly different day 'cos we both left work early and spent a really nice afternoon together... Even though it was pouring, it was a nice afternoon/evening out.. But something happened at night to spoil it.. But no worries, all is forgiven and forgotten..:)

I've got loads of things to do but somehow, I'm only able focus on the last 2 assignments and my exams in November. The others, I simply don't have the motivation to start. I know it's probably not very good but the anxiety and stress of meeting the last 2 deadlines and sitting for the exams is a little tough to handle at this point. Perhaps it'd get better after I've submitted the assignments.

Training has been getting better... I'm getting hopeful of our chances at Inter-Poly. For the first time, I actually have confidence in the team I'm putting in. So, you 3.. Better keep reading and make me proud of you guys..

I'm actually ready to leave the office but I'm waiting for someone to come in and make payment.. So I can't leave yet.. grr....
Its going to be a hectic weekend and week, not so much due to work but more because of the assignments.. But I'm looking forward to tomorrow night.. Chalet!! hehe

At some point in our lives, we hit a period where you get spammed with wedding invites. And right now, niceguy and I are in it.. Somehow, that has also got us talking about our plans.. It's nice to know that our relationship is headed somewhere.. That in itself is a confirmation from each of us.. Right now, things are moving where we want them to be.. I think we are both ready.. It's just that, financially, it's really tough.. So we really got work and pray real hard...

Not to worry baby, I'm ok now... I've thought through it and I am managing things:) Love you...

2007-10-15T04:34:00.000-07:00

once bitten, twice shy...

Indeed.. The weekend got off to a real lousy start because of an argument with niceguy.. Got real upset with him and vice versa.. Basically, Friday ended with me sobbing my heart out (literally) and him, mega pissed at me. Why? Because yours truly did the dumbest thing ever.. (not going to elaborate here) and as a result, niceguy was really angry with me.

Guess the most apt description of my feelings then would be cold fear. Fear of losing everything we have.. It was scary and definately a feeling I never want to feel again..

Saturday got off to a rocky start as well.. Niceguy didn't wana talk to me because 1) I was sounding worse than Donald Duck, 2) He was still pissed. So yeah.. Thus started the SMS war of words... With madam here trying to appease the angry one... And the angry one venting his anger at madam (yes, I totally deserved it)

Apologised like a million times and promised never to repeat that dumbassed mistake again.. Then finally, finally.... Niceguy relented.. But not before making me swallow my pride once more.. (you know what I'm talking about, baby) And with that, the angry dragon was appeased and all was forgiven... Phew!! (trust me.. I have learnt my lesson)

So... Here is what I owe you, babes... I'm sorry for what I said on Friday, and I promise.. No more... It hurt to have you treat me so cold... I'm glad we resolved things.. I love you, babes...

And there you have it.. A 180 degrees change in the weekend.. Saturday night was nice 'cos we went over to the alcoholic Jo's house for Hari Raya.. Ended with coffee with Jo and Sam..

Sunday was even better... We headed down to Ikea Tampines 'cos babes wanted to buy a cupboard.. As usual, we ended up buying a whole load of nonsense we didn't need.. But babes bought me a nice green lamp!! Kinda reminds me of the Pixar one, except mine can't hop.. bleah...
Although it sounds like the usual stuff people do.. My weekend was extra special because 1) of Friday's drama, 2) we've been working weekends lately and 3) its been eons since we last went shopping together.

So there you have it.. An anecdote of my very exciting weekend:)

(I'm still sounding a little like Donald Duck but thanks for asking, Min :P)

2007-10-12T01:17:00.000-07:00

voiceless.

I've been speaking in whispers since yesterday.. Niceguy says I sound like Donald Duck. Idiot.

I've been coughing for slightly more than 2 weeks but it didn't seem serious, I thought it was just one of those irritating coughs. Then last week, the sore throat started... And on Wednesday, my voice started to get hoarse. I didn't think much of it 'cos sometimes that happens to me but I'd be ok the next morning. Woke up Thursday morning with a new voice.

And of all the days to be busy, yesterday was it. Phonecalls and walk-in parents kept me so busy all day.. But it was all forgotten 'cos niceguy rushed all the way home from work to pick up the car, just to send me to the doc's:) He did that even though I had the car just so I didn't have to drive.

But it was the bill that was a little hard to swallow.. A bottle of cough syrup and 5 tablets of antibiotics cost me 70 bucks!! Man, this medicine had better work.. sheesh...

Anyway, TGIF... It's been a tiring day but thank God for a very capable and full of initiative part timer who took over 2 of my 3 classes. Thanks M! Owe you big time... And God must have stopped all the phonecalls because the office line didn't even ring once! So, thank you God!:)

Throat's hurting and voice is hoarse like a frog's but otherwise, I'm a-ok! I think.. A little tired though..

Looking forward to tomorrow's Hari Raya hol... Work-free weekend!!:)

2007-10-08T04:23:00.000-07:00

redemption entry...

Ok, I promised niceguy I'd do something about the previous entry's melodrama.. I have to admit, I was upset and over reacted and thus said all that... It was a small issue that I made heck lot of noise about... So, I'm sorry, baby..

It was a good weekend because I didn't have to work and niceguy had a good showing of sales at work.. Things are definately looking up:)

Managed to catch up on my sleep and I actually completed my assignment on time, so it was a weekend well spent...

Things are also picking up at work, the momentum I mean.. I've actually got the whole of Oct-Dec packed with things to do.. Interpolys, assignments, exams etc... But I'll get through it..

Thanks to xiaomei and uncle... Appreciate your nice thoughts:) Things are a-ok now...

Will update more when I get more details about the upcoming months..

2007-10-03T02:43:00.000-07:00

Is it meant to be?

Just a day after I blogged, I'm feeling complete opposite feelings. I'm really tired of trying to understand and then feel like crap because I don't.

Only you would be able to decipher what I'm talking about. I'm not going to explain to anyone so please don't ask. This is for you.

Can't you understand that I hate seeing you so bothered by what's happening? And its made worse by the fact that I'm completely helpless. I don't have the capability or connections to help. So many times I've felt, maybe you would be better off with Ch.. Only Ch is able to provide you with the kinda contacts you need. Then maybe you won't feel so lousy...

It hurts like hell to be thinking that but I can't help it... It's very hard to bear when I see you how hard you're trying and the kinda shit you get from A. But there's nothing I can do, except listen. I wish I could do more..

2007-10-02T03:18:00.000-07:00

zoned out...

I'm sooo tired.... Like seriously zonked... But, I had a nice treat from Ms Sharon who popped by with donuts!! A whole box of 6, just for me!! Thank you Ms Sharon!! *hugs* :)

The 4 left look extremely delicious but I know I can't.. Otherwise I'm gona put on more weight.. A good reason to sign up for kickboxing.. Yes Ms Sharon, I'm going to sign up during the week..

Just got off the line with Ms Bebe.. Haha!! Stupid girl was complaining about her being old.. I was like... And what's that supposed to mean... She was complaining that her friends are getting married and having kids and she's getting nowhere.. Of course, that earned her a telling off from me because madam here is OLDER than her and getting no where near to tying the knot yet..

Seriously.. What's the hurry? My friends are getting married left, right and centre.. Come to think of it, I just received another invite for November... Like, so? I'm glad they're getting married but I don't think I'm losing out just because I'm not!! That's the dumbest reason to get married for..
Status quo is good for now..

Oh well... Last night's dinner was a nice one, of course with a special reason:) Thanks baby for being such a wonderful person.. It's been a good 9 months and I'm confident the months/years to come will be just as good, if not better.. Thanks for being a friend and being my special someone...

It's a nice feeling to know that no matter what happens, there's always that special one who will always stand by you... Granted, there will always be the occasional fight or squabble.. But it is really up to both to work it out.. I'm glad I found someone who's not only there in good times, but who will be there when the bad times come.. So, thanks again baby.. :)

Another busy week but hey! No work on Sunday!! Yay!!

2007-09-28T03:38:00.000-07:00

blessings!!

Yeap! A sweet gesture from niceguy that's worth an entry.. I just received a delivery from Pizza Hut, compliments of my dearest :P

Okok, it wasn't a surprise because he had to ask me for my office address but still.. And what brought about this really sweet gesture? Well, I'm stuck in the office because its pouring out there and my umbrella is in the car, which is in the multi-storey carpark, which doesn't have a covered linkway.. hehe..

I'm staying in 'cos I wanted to do up stuff for work and to work on my assignment so this really made the long work week much more bearable.. And it's Children's Day holiday on Monday!!! Yay!!

So, thanks baby.. *smile*

2007-09-27T03:03:00.000-07:00

NLB fines.

I received 2 phonecalls in 5 minutes on Tuesday. Interesting thing was, both callers called asking if I borrowed any books with their cards. Seems NLB is trying to claim back library fines owing to them from eons ago. Saw the article in ST yesterday.

My question is, if I did have a late fine, why didn't the card owner receive a notice. Both claimed they didn't receive any. And the best part was, the fines dated all the way to 2004. Even if I did borrow these books, how the heck was I supposed to remember?

Thing is, if I really did owe the fine, upon receipt of the late notice, the card owner would have informed me and I'd have returned the books and paid the fine then, NOT 3 years later!!

If memory serves me well, the article also mentioned that NLB actually wrote off all these fines in 2006. So why the hell are they on our backs, trying to get these fines paid?

In any case, its been the usual tiring work week. But something to be thankful for: I've got a part timer in to help on certain days and now, a part time teacher to take classes for some days. Yay!! That'll definately ease my load a little..

And.... I just received an email from my tutor who gave my whole TG an extension on the upcoming assignment!! So instead of submitting tomorrow, I have till Monday to finish it...:)

niceguy was sharing anecdotes of work and it struck me how realistic and dogmatic the corporate world can be... People do anything to climb up the corporate ladder.. It's scary to even imagine how devious people can be.. Unfortunately, I can't elaborate on what he told me as its kinda P & C... :P

Oh well, back to my readings... They are starting to make some sense:)

2007-09-24T23:04:00.000-07:00

tuesday blues.

Damn, I'm seriously lagging.. I'm feeling the blues only today. Yesterday was a pretty alright day. Had a superb dinner at this slightly atas Chinese restaurant with the family and niceguy.

Perhaps the thought of having to tackle my upcoming assignment is putting me in the sianest of moods.

Well, perhaps something to look forward to.. Ms Sharon and I have signed up for kickboxing. Okok, she has and I have not BUT I'm going to do it end of the week k.. Trying to get some excitement in my otherwise work-revolved life. Bleah. Time to lose some weight too.. Haha! All the mos burger meals taking a toll..

Anyways, should be another busy week as I embark on my arduous journey down assignment lane.. One due this Friday and the other, next Thursday(I think)... And yeah! Pay day this week.. Haha!! Seeking pleasure in the smallest things...

Exclusively for you: I know its a tough call to make but like we discussed last night, perhaps its the best solution right now... For the sake of both of us.. Not to worry, dear.. We're in this together.. Besides, we've gone through the worst already.. We'll get through this one k? Love you..

2007-09-21T22:53:00.000-07:00

very encouraged.

By what? The person who left a comment on the previous post. Ah por, thanks so much for the inside info:) It was really very encouraging to hear that. Just to clarify, I wasn't bitching about her.. I was bitching about the other person at work. :P But thanks thanks thanks!! Your comment really made my day:)

With that, my weekend has just gotten off to a great start.. Though I had to work today, it was ok because I didn't have to teach.. And I'm about to scoot off for a lunch date and then a movie date!! Yeah!!!

My resolution for the next 2 weeks? To stay positive and complete my assignments and do well... Of course, for things at work to pick up.. It's tiring but still enjoyable:)

Have a great weekend!! *hugs*

2007-09-20T03:03:00.000-07:00

low.

Yeah.. I just got back my assignment result... My lowest ever... A just passed.. I'm a little disappointed but I kinda expected it 'cos I only put in 3 hours worth of work... So, I suppose I had it coming..

It's final. She's resigned. And I have to cover her duties.. Bleah. Oh well... What choice do I have? It's gona be another 7 day work week but there's something to look forward to on Saturday. Lunch with ex-colleagues and a double date in the evening.. Haha! Double date with niceguy and my parents.. We're going for a movie under the stars.. Haha!! This is going to be some experience but hey, it sounds fun, so what the heck?

I gota hurry and pack up.. Going to make a guest appearance at tutorial tonight..
bye peeps!

2007-09-19T02:21:00.000-07:00

better day...

Started the day feeling like crap but it got better during the day.. I'm officially off work but still in the office because I've got paperwork to clear..

Truth be told, I'm also enjoying the peace and quiet while finishing up my work.. I'm tired but its kinda therapeutic doing work undisturbed and with the radio on..

Big thank you to Ms. Sharon for the encouragement.. Guess I just need to be on top of things. And yeah, though my to-do list is never empty, but its slowly clearing so yay!!!

This week will be another 7 day work week.. I used to wonder how people can work 7 days a week.. Now I know... And it sucks plenty because I have no bloody life... I'm trying to find pockets of time so I can catch up with friends or even to complete my assignments.

I'm still hoping for a miracle at work... I'm tired of teaching... Argh............

2007-09-18T01:09:00.000-07:00

black.

That's the colour of my face and my mood right now. It's been an extremely lousy day. I didn't come into this job to teach. I took up this job offer because I was offered a chance at a promotion and pay raise, not to mention the job prospects.

But now, because of you, I have to put everything else on hold and take over your duties. I have tons of things to think about and sort out. But nothing can be done until the classes for the day are over. And by the time I'm done, I'm so exhausted mentally and physically that I really don't have the energy for the paperwork.

And all you can say is sorry? It's only 4pm and I'm totally wiped out. I've been coming to work 7 days a week for the last 2 weeks. My timetable has been turned upside down. And now, because I drive, I've become the driver.

Yet, I refuse to concede defeat. I'm going to survive the next 2 months and prove that it was worth hiring me. I just need to keep reminding myself that till the end of the term.

To you, it's been a long week for us. I've tried my best to be understanding about the last week. What I wanted was just an hour of your time. Can't you understand that it's not me trying to be demanding? It's you who can't make up your mind about things thats really putting a strain on us..

2 1/2 months and counting down...

2007-09-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

Monday blues..

It's only 11am and I'm suffering from a severe case of Monday blues. I really didn't wana come in to work today.. My back hurts and I really don't feel good.. Haven't been feeling well since last week. But.. Do I have a choice?

Unfortunately, no. I have the responsibility to open/close the place. And I have to come in even if I'm half-dying. Reason? Understaffed.

Migraine and gastric have been my constant companion the whole of last week and it looks like they're here to stay this week. Didn't tell niceguy cos he's been so busy lately.. Just didn't have the heart to add on to his burden.

Yes, I'm still enjoying work. But the magnitude of my position is really starting to manifest it's true weight. The decisions I make and the consequences that follow, are all my burden to bear.
I'm forced to learn on the job and learn fast. I'm forced to take responsibilities for people's mistakes and irresponsibilities.

What I'm really looking forward to is time with you today.. But in light of the week's happenings, I'm not hoping for much.. Would be nice to hear from you...

2007-09-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

exhaustion.

all i need is just some TLC from u..

all i wanted to hear was that you were thinking of me..

all i needed was some responsibility from u..

all i want are my weekends back..

all i want is some order at work..

what i don't need is nonsense from u...

what i want is you out of my sight...

what i want is to see you later..

i think what i need is a clear mind..

*this is targetted at no one person in particular.. i'm just rambling about the week's happenings/mishappenings...*

2007-09-12T18:45:00.000-07:00

stressed and peeved...

I'm officially 5 days behind assignment deadline and I've only typed 3 words out of 1500.

It's been a really long day.. Had a staff who's on 2 days MC so I had to cover her duties and now I'm really exhausted...

This assignment is really taking its toll on me and I'm suffering from a severe case of writer's block. The worse part is, its a topic I specialise in. I'm suppose to know stuff about this topic but I can't seem to focus my thoughts.

Having a car is starting to seem a lot less fun. It's really stressful driving in peak hour traffic, especially going into CBD area, it's total madness.. But it's not like I can avoid going in there.. Mum and niceguy work there..

I'm wondering if my stress level is self-induced. All I know is, it's really getting to me.. Poor niceguy had to take the full extent of it last night when I just lost it.. Sorry dear, it wasn't entirely your fault.. It was just unfortunate that you were there.. But thank you for the shoulder:)

I'm gona give my assignment one last shot.. And if by tonight I still can't churn anything out, I'm giving up. I know that means I get a zero on this assignment but I'm not willing to trade my sanity for this insanity.

Oh... Just some random sharing.. When you are in your mid-20s, its always nice when kids still call you 'jie jie' or when people ask if you're 17 or 18.. Haha!! Those where the highlights of my hectic day...

I've got the 2 most adorable looking kids who are totally sticky to me.. Oh, they both drool alot too... But that's ok.. They are soooo cute.. One's got an apple face, the other a hamburger face.. Okok, I'm hungry, that's why..

Anyway, I'm think I'm not making sense anymore... Better go before I type things that will get me into trouble.

Nite folks!

2007-09-12T05:06:00.000-07:00

Snitched this off someone's blog:

Minus 1% for everything that you've done.Then repost as your %.[ start with 100%]

1.Smoked.
2.Drank alcohol.
3.Cried when someone died.
4.Been drunk.
5.Had sex.
6.Been to a concert.
7.Given a hand job/gotten a hand job.
8.Given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob.
9.Been verbally sexually harassed.
10.Verbally sexually harassed somebody.
11.Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12.Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13.Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14.Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15.Been to prom.
16.Cried at school.
17.Gotten lost in a Wal Mart or a department store.
18.Went streaking.
19.Given a lap dance.
20.Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.
21.Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22.Slept over at someone of the opposite sex house.
23.Kissed a stranger.
24.Hugged a stranger.
25.Went scuba diving.
26.Driven a car.
27.Gotten an xray.
28.Hit by a car.
29.Had a party.
30.Done drugs.
31.Played strip poker.
32.Got paid to strip for someone.
33.Ran away from home.
34.Broken a bone.
35.Eaten sushi.
36.Bought porn.
37.Watched porn.
38.Made porn.
39.Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40.Been in love.
41.Frenched kissed.
42.Laughed so hard you cried.
43.Cried yourself to sleep.
44.Laughed yourself to sleep.
45.Stabbed yourself.
46.Shot a gun.
47.Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48.Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
49.Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
50.Watched an animal die.
51.Watched a person die.
52.Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53.Pranked somebody.
54.Put somebody in the hospital.
55.Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
56.Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57.Dressed punk.
58.Dressed goth.
59.Dressed preppy.
60.Been to a motocross race.
61.Avoided somebody.
62.Been stalked.
63.Stalked someone.
64.Met a celebrity.
65.Played an instrument.
66.Ridden a horse.
67.Cut yourself.
68.Bungee jumped.
69.Ding dong ditched somebody.
70.Been to a wild party.
71.Got caught stealing something.
72.Kicked a guy in the balls.
73.Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74.Went out with your friend's crush.
75.Got arrested.
76.Been pregnant.
77.Babysat.
78.Been to another country.
79.Started your house on fire.
80.Had an encounter with a ghost.
81.Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82.Been asked out by someone that you never though you'd to be asked out by.
83.Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84.Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3months.
85.Sat on your ass all day.
86.Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87.Had a job.
88.Gotten cut from a sports team.
89.Been called a wh0re.
90.Danced like a wh0re.
91.Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92.Been in a car accident.
93.Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94.Been told you have beautiful hair.
95.Raped somebody.
96.Danced in the rain.
97.Been rejected.
98.Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99.Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100.Been raped.

55%.... I am/was a pretty bad girl... Done a couple of things I wish I never did but that's all done and over with.. I'm glad that I've gotten smarter over the years..

Btw, I give up on my assignment... I'm so stressed I can't think straight... That's why I'm blogging nonsense.. 2nd entry of the day..

2007-09-11T16:17:00.000-07:00

World Class Procrastinator

Yeap, that would be a totally apt title, for me, that is. I have an assignment due last Friday and guess what? I've not even started on it, as of now.. Excuse?(notice I didn't use the word reason.) I can't be bothered.

That's right. Only in year 2, sem 1 and I'm ready to give up. I'm up to my forehead in work and commitments. I tend to pride myself on being able to somehow manage, in some case, mismanage my time.. But hey, I get by.

But with a new post and insane responsibilities, I duno...

And before I go on, to those of you rolling your eyes and saying "There she goes whining and bitching again..", I have this to say to you. If you have a problem with that, that's YOUR business. This is MY blog and if YOU are reading it, then YOU just bloody have to live with it.

Now, where was I? Ah yes.. Procastination. Niceguy knows I've got a natural knack for it... Yes dear, I am going to look for those documents you asked for 2 months ago.. When I have to time.. :) See what I mean?

Yet, the blessed irony is... It doesn't happen at work.. Or at least, not yet. If that happens then the kids are just going to have to wipe their hands and mouths on their own shirts because there is no tissue in the centre.

So, the point of this entry? Nothing... Just highlighting an issue I have with myself and because I'm so darn stressed over the mountain of work to be done and the overdue assignment...

And as usual, I'm rambling incessantly... So sue me.. Don't sit on it.. Bleah.

2007-09-10T02:40:00.001-07:00

accident report...

Yeah, you read right... I got involved in a collision last Friday while I was on my way to lecture, after work.. Because it rained earlier and I knew that the roads would be wet and slippery, I drove extra carefully. Plus the fact that my car was low on petrol and I was trying to conserve fuel by driving economically..

All was fine until I hit the highway.. The van in front of me was suddenly slowing down, so I followed suit. Then for some reason, he stopped. I had to brake suddenly and thankfully stopped without hitting him. Breathed a huge sigh of relief only to be shaken by a loud bang and my car being pushed forward.

The impact threw me forward and caused me to be sandwiched in between the van and the Hyundai behind me. The first thought that ran through my head was, "This isn't happening..." But it did. Got out of the car to assess the damage. Front headlight was smashed and front bonnet was dented. My exhaust pipe actually dropped and my back bumper was dented as well.

I really couldn't believe what had happened and it really felt unreal. I was in such a panic that I was shaking... Didn't know what to do so I called niceguy. When I heard his voice, I almost broke down 'cos I was so frantic. Then called Dad. Thankfully, he was very calm and told me what to do. I really thank God I had Dad who gave me clear instructions and that really helped 'cos my mind was whirling then.

After settling all the necessary things, we left the scene... All throughout the drive home, I was really shaking. All I wanted was to go home.. I think it really hit me when I reached home. Dad asked if I was ok and to see the photos. Mum said, "It's ok, it's all part and parcel of driving. It's bound to happen one day and it wasn't your fault. What's important is you're ok."

When I heard that, I felt so lousy.... Not only did my parents not ask the extent of the damage, they didn't even get angry. Although I knew that the accident wasn't my fault, I couldn't help feeling guilty.

Niceguy was a big comfort too... He took a cab down to my place just to spend time with me and to make sure I was ok..
This accident really thought me that, it's not how good a driver you are. It's how lousy other drivers are that could kill you...

I'm truly thankful for the fact that I was uninjured and I was able to claim against the guy who hit my car. While my car is in the workshop, I got a replacement car.. So, it turned out to be not so bad after all...

Anyway, first day of the school term.. I'm wiped... Totally and baby's in camp.. Reservist training.. Bleah..

Gota go!! Picking mum up..

2007-09-07T18:20:00.000-07:00

gloomy Friday evening..

yeap, think I can officially declare that my blog has been revived:) I finally have personal access to a laptop and internet connection, though its really slow.. Like I was telling niceguy the other night, I finally feel like I'm working. The last 5 years teaching was like 'masak-masak'. Now, I'm in a position to make decisions at my discretion and I even have my personal work email!! Not to mention namecard.. Haha!! Ya ya, I know, very swa-ku..

anyway, its officially after 5.30pm and yes, I'm still at work. Why? Because it's pouring like there's no tomorrow outside. Ya, I drive but my car is parked at the multi-storey next door. And no, no covered walkway... So... I'm stuck here and praying real hard that the rain stops soon 'cos I've got lecture in an hour's time plus I need to feed the car and feed my stomach... hehe

well... it's been a pretty good week at work... like the new job, new environment, new people and yeah.. just about everything.. except those stupid ah bengs and ah lians or rather wannabes loitering about.. One day, I'm going to throw my shoes at them. Yeah, the noisy one I wore to work today.
hmm... the rain doesn't seem to be getting any lighter.. in fact, visibility has dropped.. I can only see about 50m from the window.. And its very cold.....

niceguy's been unhappy at work lately and it breaks my heart to see him so frustrated and yet, I can do nothing to help... this really isn't something I can proactively change because its work-related.. Finally entering the coporate world at management level has really forced me to concede that its not a nice world out there..
most people are nice enough but more often than not, its usually for a reason..

ok, enough griping... I'm gona have to continue with my assignment soon.. it was due yesterday.. sheesh....

have a great weekend folks!!