it's drizzling...


what the h*ll am i doing online at 7 plus in the morning... trying to blog, that's what... read aud's blog.. at least things are looking up for you, at least you have a promise.... then this morning, on the way to work, my colleague told me that her time off is over officially over... damnit.. really..
she was sick just this week and her bf was exceptionally sweet and they had a good talk and surprise surprise, he's bringing her to watch Quidam tonight... my jaw just dropped... literally..
i mean yes im envious that he's so sweet to her and yaddah yaddah but its so unexpected! Just on friday she was telling me how she's not sure about things and she's leaving her options open, going out with other guys and now this... i was just 'huh'???

but anyhow, im happy for her... coz she looks really happy.. that's all that matters, doesn't it?

so, am i happy now? i was... because i felt like nothing would go wrong... because we had each other.. to me, that was all i asked for... and i was really happy... now, i'm just living each day as it comes... i'm just glad for the day to be over because that will mean i'm one day closer to that day...
so am i happy? well... that's a pretty tough question... it's getting better i guess...

i thought i'd feel free... with no need to be accountable to anyone, do what i like, meet who i want... but there's no meaning in all that... really...

there are days i just feel so yucky and the questions, "Why me?", "What did I do wrong?" just keep popping up...

right now, i'm feeling defeated... or rather, i don't know what to feel anymore...