why must I??
Its gotta to be a record. Prolly the longest break I've taken from blogging thus far. And for good reason too... Saying I'm busy is a convenient excuse for getting out of a lot of things. Have I been in denial for too long? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill? Is there really a problem? An issue? I'm not sure myself. Hell, I'm not even sure OF myself. How's that for messed up?
And it's probably not helping that people around me are facing problems of their own. Of course, technically, its no business of mine. But how can I simply dismiss them and say it's not my perogative to feel sorry for them? It's just wrong. And in a way, their problems are affecting me...
Have I been reading the wrong signals? Or have I read too much into it? The things I don't wish to read into, simply stare me in the face and force me to acknowledge their existence. The things I don't have the courage to read into are equally annoyingly persistent. The things I wish I could read into, are simply, illegible. As usual, I'm not making much sense, am I?
Why is making a choice so difficult? Even when I choose to abstain, it's still a choice, isn't it? So why is it wrong?? I'm sick and tired of answering the 'So hows?' and the 'Whys?' Why must there always be a why to every damn thing? Why can't it just be because it is so?? Must there be a logical explanation to every thing?
Yes, I understand the rationale of cause and effect. Heck, I hear that all the time during lectures. I am also fully aware that there is a certain level of accountability somewhere, somehow, to someone or something. I just hate the people who literally shove that responsibility down my throat. The ones who always claim to take the stand of high moral ground and integrity... That's just bull...
I just want to be me. Someone who is true to herself, who have true friends who truly love and care for me. I want to be able to rant and rave at someone and not feel guilty. I want to live free of burdens and moral obligations. I want to seek solace in the things I love most and stay there as long as I want. I want to be a highly valued employee and individual. Someone whom people hold in high esteem, someone dependable, just someone.
But yet, reality always deals you with a hard blow. The grass IS always greener on the other side, only because you believe in it. However, if you look carefully at your side, the grass here is also green. There probably no such thing as 'greener'. Green is green. Why is it greener? The only difference is in the different shades of green.
What I really want right now is to have a day to myself. All to myself and no one else... A day where I can really and truly not have to worry about a thing. A day where the focus is, ME.
Just one day will do...
And until that dream is realised, I live with that tiny hope....
Good night you.... I love you....
Its gotta to be a record. Prolly the longest break I've taken from blogging thus far. And for good reason too... Saying I'm busy is a convenient excuse for getting out of a lot of things. Have I been in denial for too long? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill? Is there really a problem? An issue? I'm not sure myself. Hell, I'm not even sure OF myself. How's that for messed up?
And it's probably not helping that people around me are facing problems of their own. Of course, technically, its no business of mine. But how can I simply dismiss them and say it's not my perogative to feel sorry for them? It's just wrong. And in a way, their problems are affecting me...
Have I been reading the wrong signals? Or have I read too much into it? The things I don't wish to read into, simply stare me in the face and force me to acknowledge their existence. The things I don't have the courage to read into are equally annoyingly persistent. The things I wish I could read into, are simply, illegible. As usual, I'm not making much sense, am I?
Why is making a choice so difficult? Even when I choose to abstain, it's still a choice, isn't it? So why is it wrong?? I'm sick and tired of answering the 'So hows?' and the 'Whys?' Why must there always be a why to every damn thing? Why can't it just be because it is so?? Must there be a logical explanation to every thing?
Yes, I understand the rationale of cause and effect. Heck, I hear that all the time during lectures. I am also fully aware that there is a certain level of accountability somewhere, somehow, to someone or something. I just hate the people who literally shove that responsibility down my throat. The ones who always claim to take the stand of high moral ground and integrity... That's just bull...
I just want to be me. Someone who is true to herself, who have true friends who truly love and care for me. I want to be able to rant and rave at someone and not feel guilty. I want to live free of burdens and moral obligations. I want to seek solace in the things I love most and stay there as long as I want. I want to be a highly valued employee and individual. Someone whom people hold in high esteem, someone dependable, just someone.
But yet, reality always deals you with a hard blow. The grass IS always greener on the other side, only because you believe in it. However, if you look carefully at your side, the grass here is also green. There probably no such thing as 'greener'. Green is green. Why is it greener? The only difference is in the different shades of green.
What I really want right now is to have a day to myself. All to myself and no one else... A day where I can really and truly not have to worry about a thing. A day where the focus is, ME.
Just one day will do...
And until that dream is realised, I live with that tiny hope....
Good night you.... I love you....
posted by muse at 10:27 AM
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