karma.
I believe in 'what goes around, comes around'. Don't ask me why I've come up with this line of reasoning but it was just a thought that struck me today.
He would know that I've always been wondering and feeling guilty over how I treated him in the past. The times we met last time didn't quite end so well because I was being downright mean. And this time round, I did mention a couple of times that sometimes I feel he's so nice and good to me that I do feel I don't deserve it, not after what happened. But he always reassures me that that has never crossed his mind. And I believe that.
And I'm not saying he's doing this for payback. He's not like that and I know that. But perhaps its because of me believing in this whole karma thing that has caused me to think that I'm getting what I deserve. No, I'm not being angry or bitter about it, just merely saying what has come across my mind.
I suppose I do deserve this after being such a mean person to him those times. He has been nothing but patient and nice to me, but that obviously wasn't on my checklist of bf-material then.
Call me depressed, call me anything you like. My thought processes these 2 weeks have been going into over-drive and to tell me to stop thinking is impossible. It's eating at me sometimes and I know it.
The waiting sometimes gives me some assurance that there's something I can look forward to. Yet at times, it drives me insane.
Like Aud says, I'm a walking contradiction. I don't even need to have a conversation with anyone. I just keep talking to myself and I can keep myself entertained for hours. What can I say? I'm a debater..
I believe in 'what goes around, comes around'. Don't ask me why I've come up with this line of reasoning but it was just a thought that struck me today.
He would know that I've always been wondering and feeling guilty over how I treated him in the past. The times we met last time didn't quite end so well because I was being downright mean. And this time round, I did mention a couple of times that sometimes I feel he's so nice and good to me that I do feel I don't deserve it, not after what happened. But he always reassures me that that has never crossed his mind. And I believe that.
And I'm not saying he's doing this for payback. He's not like that and I know that. But perhaps its because of me believing in this whole karma thing that has caused me to think that I'm getting what I deserve. No, I'm not being angry or bitter about it, just merely saying what has come across my mind.
I suppose I do deserve this after being such a mean person to him those times. He has been nothing but patient and nice to me, but that obviously wasn't on my checklist of bf-material then.
Call me depressed, call me anything you like. My thought processes these 2 weeks have been going into over-drive and to tell me to stop thinking is impossible. It's eating at me sometimes and I know it.
The waiting sometimes gives me some assurance that there's something I can look forward to. Yet at times, it drives me insane.
Like Aud says, I'm a walking contradiction. I don't even need to have a conversation with anyone. I just keep talking to myself and I can keep myself entertained for hours. What can I say? I'm a debater..
posted by muse at 4:30 PM
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