melodrama...


All thanks to Aud.. See what you made the both of us do last night?! :) But seriously, thanks for helping me come to terms with the harsh reality of things. It freaking sucks but it is a fact. You and I are amazingly alike in many ways but yet so different. And yet, when I was talking to you about stuff last night, it was like a flashback of my own experiences. Babe, I can totally identify with what you're going through.

I hate it when I come to crossroads and I have to make a decision. Sometimes I wish I could be forced to just take one route. At least, if anything goes wrong, I can shirk responsibility and blame someone or something else for the mistake. But if I choose my own route, I have only myself to thank or blame... Sounds like a cowardly thought? Maybe...

I try to make informed choices, educated guesses and responsible decisions. But sometimes, I feel like kicking myself for failing to see or pre-empt impending disasters. It was staring at me right in the face, alarm bells were ringing like hell but I still wanted to try anyway.. So where does that lead me to eventually? Nowhere... Just back to square one...

I hate rules. I hate conformity. I hate to be suppressed. I hate the rigidity of society and its crap morals. I hate knowing the fact that despite hating all the above, I can't do shit about it. I strive to be different. I strive to be the best I can be. But its never enough for people. Who the hell has the fundamental right to dictate my actions and behavior? No bloody one. But everyone tries to do just that. Control me. Orchestrate my life into something that is accepted by societal standards.

It's my damn life and I damn well do what I like with it. This is not an irresponsible statement, I just want to be given the right to make my own decisions... To be able to ride my own success, to learn from my own downfall... To be myself..

Does it sound contradictory? Kinda...