affirmative action...
-now listening to 'On Top Of Spaghetti' by Ashton C.-
My dearest Ashton is entertaining me with his rendition of 'On Top Of Spaghetti' in his little chipmunk voice.. Super cute!
Anyway, I'm feeling a sense of loss.. Why? Because I didn't get to eat my crabs last night. And it was the last night of the promo.. I was anticipating the whole day, hoping to be able to satisfy that craving. But SOMEONE wasn't so keen because SOMEONE was not feeling well. So, what to do? Can't bully the sick one right? Especially when he's the driver.. No choice.. Next best alternative.. Slipper Lobster Linguine at Coffee Club.. No crab, lobster also can. Haha! But the pasta was quite crap, even the mocha didn't taste as good...
Been having very thought provoking conversations with niceguy lately. It may be a little premature to be having such conversations but to some extent, it does give you some idea as to what the other party is actually thinking or like. I'm a person who likes having such conversations with close ones. It creates an avenue for both to bare it all (in a not so literal sense), and gives the listener an insight on the other person's thoughts.
I have to admit that I'm a person who thinks alot, sometimes too much. I expect the worst so I won't be disappointed. I'm always worried about how people would feel about things. I get upset when people do. But yet at the same time, I can be extremely cynical and condescending to people I'm guarded against. Call it my defense mechanism, that's how I deal with problems or potential ones.
Alot of has happened in the last couple of months. Drastic changes, some good, some not so... But at the end of the day, it really is up to the individual to handle the situation. To run from it and face it eventually, someday.. Or to deal with it and make the best of it. I'd like to believe that I've done that. I'd like to think that I have acted maturely and done myself proud.
How much of it is a facade and how much of it is genuine? Well, that's for me to know.. When I figure it out, that it.
Right now, status quo seems to be working out fine. Take this analogy I mentioned to niceguy the other day. Right now, it feels as though I'm in a dark room and I'm afraid to take the next step because I'm not sure what's before me. It could be a big, black hole or it could just be a black patch on the floor. Whatever it is, I have to take the step in order to find out.
Question is, dare I take that step? Or am I waiting for someone to open a door or window somewhere to let some light in, so I can see?
I keep lapsing into periods of depression. Ok, maybe depression is too strong a word, but you get the idea. I can't help but feel overwhelmed at times at the magnitude of the impact things have on me. Some days, I feel like I'm in control. Other days, I feel utter and complete helplessness. Yet, there are days where I don't know what I'm feeling.
Am I being blinded yet again? Or simply being myopic? Perhaps its time to check my vision?
Why are you reading my blog in the first place? Do you really care what goes on in my life? Or are you one of those who occasionally pop by to see how I've screwed up my life? Why does it even matter anyway?
Does it make a difference to anyone whether I'm happy or sad?
-now listening to 'On Top Of Spaghetti' by Ashton C.-
My dearest Ashton is entertaining me with his rendition of 'On Top Of Spaghetti' in his little chipmunk voice.. Super cute!
Anyway, I'm feeling a sense of loss.. Why? Because I didn't get to eat my crabs last night. And it was the last night of the promo.. I was anticipating the whole day, hoping to be able to satisfy that craving. But SOMEONE wasn't so keen because SOMEONE was not feeling well. So, what to do? Can't bully the sick one right? Especially when he's the driver.. No choice.. Next best alternative.. Slipper Lobster Linguine at Coffee Club.. No crab, lobster also can. Haha! But the pasta was quite crap, even the mocha didn't taste as good...
Been having very thought provoking conversations with niceguy lately. It may be a little premature to be having such conversations but to some extent, it does give you some idea as to what the other party is actually thinking or like. I'm a person who likes having such conversations with close ones. It creates an avenue for both to bare it all (in a not so literal sense), and gives the listener an insight on the other person's thoughts.
I have to admit that I'm a person who thinks alot, sometimes too much. I expect the worst so I won't be disappointed. I'm always worried about how people would feel about things. I get upset when people do. But yet at the same time, I can be extremely cynical and condescending to people I'm guarded against. Call it my defense mechanism, that's how I deal with problems or potential ones.
Alot of has happened in the last couple of months. Drastic changes, some good, some not so... But at the end of the day, it really is up to the individual to handle the situation. To run from it and face it eventually, someday.. Or to deal with it and make the best of it. I'd like to believe that I've done that. I'd like to think that I have acted maturely and done myself proud.
How much of it is a facade and how much of it is genuine? Well, that's for me to know.. When I figure it out, that it.
Right now, status quo seems to be working out fine. Take this analogy I mentioned to niceguy the other day. Right now, it feels as though I'm in a dark room and I'm afraid to take the next step because I'm not sure what's before me. It could be a big, black hole or it could just be a black patch on the floor. Whatever it is, I have to take the step in order to find out.
Question is, dare I take that step? Or am I waiting for someone to open a door or window somewhere to let some light in, so I can see?
I keep lapsing into periods of depression. Ok, maybe depression is too strong a word, but you get the idea. I can't help but feel overwhelmed at times at the magnitude of the impact things have on me. Some days, I feel like I'm in control. Other days, I feel utter and complete helplessness. Yet, there are days where I don't know what I'm feeling.
Am I being blinded yet again? Or simply being myopic? Perhaps its time to check my vision?
Why are you reading my blog in the first place? Do you really care what goes on in my life? Or are you one of those who occasionally pop by to see how I've screwed up my life? Why does it even matter anyway?
Does it make a difference to anyone whether I'm happy or sad?
posted by muse at 6:40 PM
2 Comments:
it makes a difference to me whether u are happy or sad... i love u... take care babe~!
SMS me, anything~!
hey.... thanks dear.... appreciate that... it goes the same for u k?
i love u too... *hugs*
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