lonely on christmas eve...

Just what I feared it would turn out to be... I'll be spending Christmas Eve alone... I was really hoping that we would be able to talk and get things back on track before Christmas and that we would have some sort of plans... But...

His priority list right now doesnt have me on it... Everything else is of some importance... It sucks to know that... For the first time in my life, I wish Christmas wouldn't come. Really... I just want to hole myself up in my room and not talk to anyone. But that is impossible.. My mother is sure to ask why I have no plans.. And what am I to tell her?

Every year, he'll ask me over to his house for Christmas Eve dinner but every year I can't go because it clashes with my church's Christmas Eve service. But this year, service has been brought forward to tonight, so tomorrow is a free day. I thought, that maybe.. just maybe, he would ask me over.. It would be really nice to spend Christmas Eve with him, even if it's with all his relatives...
But he hasn't.. And I doubt he will either.. So, it's just me alone on Christmas Eve.. I was really hoping he would ask...

Maybe it's still not too late to hope?